I've really got a bee in my bonnet in the last few weeks about the bombardment of tales of "supermums" I keep coming across, and while I may have been less inclined to voice my opinion 18 years ago when I had my first baby at only 18 myself, I now feel at the more accepted age of 36 with 6 kids I am qualified to have a good moan about it!
We are always being told how awful it is that our children are growing up looking at super skinny models with have it all lifestyles and thinking they must be the same to be accepted, but what about the ever growing list of things us hard working, under appreciated mums are now being told we must do or have in order to be merely considered as being a "good mum".
Now before I unintentionally offend anyone, if you are working, looking fabulous, raising money for charity, and bringing up polite, well rounded children without breaking a sweat then good on you.
It's great that there are women who can do so much but has anyone else noticed how being bombarded with constant stories of these "supermums" makes the rest of us feel that we shouldn't even be entitled to be mums?
It used to be the ultimate achievement to be on the PTA at your child's school but these days you're not worth the time of day if you're not juggling multiple commitments in a designer dress with a huge smile on your face!
It started with the breast feeding for me, we all know breast feeding in best but why are women still being made to feel guilty if they can't? One first time mum told me a sales assistant in boots refused to tell her where the formula milk was and gave her an ear full about how she should be breast feeding her baby??!!
I was fuming, the poor woman was a total state trying to justify to me why she hadn't been able to do it.
I put her straight and explained I had tried with my first which was so awful I didn't try again until the fifth one (Freya) which again didn't work as she was very stressed at the breast and slightly tongue tied and again with Lucas I persevered for the first day but even the midwives admitted he was properly attached but I was just sobbing in pain for the whole feed. Just last week another busy body from the children's centre said "oh if only you'd come to us we could have got him going"!! Yes, well I'd had my 2nd c-section and wasn't going anywhere for weeks and several midwives checked his attachment so they couldn't all be wrong!
I now wonder if this is because I'm autistic? I am always hurting myself and it's often commented on that I make a huge fuss at the smallest things so maybe I'm the opposite of Freya and I'm over sensitive to pain??
It's screwed me up so much feeling a huge failure for being unable to breast feed that it's a big part of why I wanted testing for autism. Some may see that as looking for an excuse but after years of feeling I've been the problem in every area of my life I'd be quite happy to let myself off just one of my failings!
You would think that working with babies would give these people some understanding of how hard it is but it seems more that they see so many they become almost complacent about it!
My husband got the raw end of another of my bug bears the other day as he stood chatting to a lady from playgroup in Morrison's and merrily announced to me her baby was only 6 days old! I tried hard to bite my tongue but got in such a huge strop I ended up ranting at him for about half an hour about how I'm sure she had an immaculately tidy home too and was probably still having her husbands tea on the table as he came in after work and maybe her baby was even sleeping through already and if not she was clearly just another supermum and he should have picked better when choosing a mum for his son!
Needless to say he just sat looking at me in disbelief with his mouth open!
And this is the damage that's done by these seemingly innocent comments people make, every time my mum comes round and says "oh dear did a bomb go off in here?" or her favourite "you've clearly been neglecting the exercises, my tummy never looked like that, it looks like you're expecting again"!!
This is why I get mad when people suggest parenting classes because I feel they're saying I'm useless.
I feel inferior every time I see a photo of the things my niece gets up to with her 2 cooking and crafting, and she works too. I'm just looking after the kids, my husband and the house and not even asking for any time for myself and I can't keep on top of things. I don't get to go for a wee in peace so getting half an hour to exercise or straighten my hair is pretty unlikely. By the time they've both gone to bed I'm so exhausted I just fall asleep!
I wonder now how I managed to study for my degree when I had four kids at home and had no partner to help me. Maybe I used to be a supermum but I've lost my powers?! Or maybe not, then the kids were getting neglected being shoved in childcare while I attended lectures and wrote up dissertations.
When they were tiny you could have eaten off my kitchen floor but I was a raving loony screaming at the kids every time they got something out, threatening to throw all their toys away if they didn't tidy up, I don't think they were happier then and I certainly wasn't.
I used to be a size 8 after my first four but guess what I got older and then I had a huge baby boy and now I'm a size 12, so what?! I wouldn't send him back to get my figure back and I'm not prepared to work myself into the ground to tone my tummy at the present time either, I'm still getting up at least twice a night for either him or Freya and I'm tired out! Also having had a history of eating disorders I'm not going to allow myself to get hung up on my bit of flab nor tell myself I can't have a piece of cheesecake or chocolate, it would be the fastest way to end up back on anti-depressants!
I guess I would just like the world to realise that all mums are different, and we are generally trying our best and doing what we think is right for us or our kids. It's a tough enough job without all the guilt and expectations of others.
So I may not be a supermum, but I'm happy not to be, I would be so stressed trying to do so much just because society thinks I should and I would be a worse parent for it. I know I'm not a fantastic mum and I have got things wrong and no doubt will again but when I get Lucas out of his cot in the morning or pick up Freya from nursery they both have huge grins and hold out there arms to me, and isn't that what really matters?
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