Friday 27 September 2013
Freya's first crispy cakes
Here is Freya making her first crispy cakes, a few spoon changes were required after they were eaten along with their contents!
starting the magic?!
Today we are starting to implement the things we have been taught at 123 magic, as expected it's not gone well so far.
We have discovered it doesn't work when she wants food and is whining on and on as when I said "that's 1" she replied "yes 1" thinking I meant she could have one! Again 2 just made her think she was getting two.
I can see why, we have always told her one or two sweets then no more so she has learnt you can have one but just one or just two :/
I also expected the continuing of my counting as she loves to count so my 1 has been followed by 2,3,4,5,6 etc
We are not meant to talk to her while counting or sending her to her room but as she hasn't a clue what we're doing yet I've felt it only fair to say "you have to go to your room now as you wouldn't get dressed etc"
She came back before the 3 minutes a few times so I tried to ignore her and then ask again for her to get dressed.
It's all very confusing for us let alone her. They said she could sit and play with a toy as long as it's not electronic but I can't get her to sit still on a good day that's why I thought going to her room was a better idea as there's not much in there to do but when I went back she was playing with her bob the builder workshop oblivious to the fact she was meant to be there for being naughty.
She then didn't want to leave to get dressed so now what if I count her again she goes back to her room, but she's already in it and she wants to stay there to keep playing so that's backfired already :(
I keep being told how important her visuals aids are so I spent a lot of time last night sorting them and thinking what we'd put up for this morning. We managed breakfast and she looked quite interested in the getting dressed as it was followed by TV but then decided she didn't fancy getting dressed after all.
I added a baking one after the TV as I've been saying we'd make chocolate crispy cakes for ages and she was very excited about that, so much so that she climbed on the sofa to change the cards around so that baking was now followed by TV and the getting dressed got flung on the floor! :/
There was also the usual debate on the teenager leaving with jeans instead of school trousers and what should be done about that. I decided to call the school and inform them she claims they are in a friends locker and we have agreed I will take her phone if she comes back without them or I get a call about any other trouble she's got up to today. I do feel it should have been explained that she would get her phone removed if she came home without them so maybe I will text her that.
I admit the whole thing of Mike badgering me about coming down harder on her has made me feel really cornered and stressed. I know he's right but he seems to enjoy seeing her unhappy and that makes me feel defensive towards her :/
I think it's going to be a lot of trial and error and I don't know how long to keep trying before you change tactic.
1,2,3 out......
We have discovered it doesn't work when she wants food and is whining on and on as when I said "that's 1" she replied "yes 1" thinking I meant she could have one! Again 2 just made her think she was getting two.
I can see why, we have always told her one or two sweets then no more so she has learnt you can have one but just one or just two :/
I also expected the continuing of my counting as she loves to count so my 1 has been followed by 2,3,4,5,6 etc
We are not meant to talk to her while counting or sending her to her room but as she hasn't a clue what we're doing yet I've felt it only fair to say "you have to go to your room now as you wouldn't get dressed etc"
She came back before the 3 minutes a few times so I tried to ignore her and then ask again for her to get dressed.
It's all very confusing for us let alone her. They said she could sit and play with a toy as long as it's not electronic but I can't get her to sit still on a good day that's why I thought going to her room was a better idea as there's not much in there to do but when I went back she was playing with her bob the builder workshop oblivious to the fact she was meant to be there for being naughty.
She then didn't want to leave to get dressed so now what if I count her again she goes back to her room, but she's already in it and she wants to stay there to keep playing so that's backfired already :(
I keep being told how important her visuals aids are so I spent a lot of time last night sorting them and thinking what we'd put up for this morning. We managed breakfast and she looked quite interested in the getting dressed as it was followed by TV but then decided she didn't fancy getting dressed after all.
I added a baking one after the TV as I've been saying we'd make chocolate crispy cakes for ages and she was very excited about that, so much so that she climbed on the sofa to change the cards around so that baking was now followed by TV and the getting dressed got flung on the floor! :/
There was also the usual debate on the teenager leaving with jeans instead of school trousers and what should be done about that. I decided to call the school and inform them she claims they are in a friends locker and we have agreed I will take her phone if she comes back without them or I get a call about any other trouble she's got up to today. I do feel it should have been explained that she would get her phone removed if she came home without them so maybe I will text her that.
I admit the whole thing of Mike badgering me about coming down harder on her has made me feel really cornered and stressed. I know he's right but he seems to enjoy seeing her unhappy and that makes me feel defensive towards her :/
I think it's going to be a lot of trial and error and I don't know how long to keep trying before you change tactic.
1,2,3 out......
Wednesday 25 September 2013
magic pie
I've been meaning to re write about my experience at 123 magic last week, I have to eat humble pie which is never easy when you're as stubborn as me!
I was very grumpy when I went in, I didn't want to wear a sticker with my name and did make a comment to the mum next to me saying "don't we all need the same sticker saying bad parent?" she just laughed and said "only bad parent, I've got myself down as hopeless too!" which did cheer me up a little.
I went on to moan that I didn't think it would work for Freya as she was autistic and it turned out her son is autistic too so I shut up.
The ladies running it started by introducing themselves and it turned out one of them had an autistic son and the conversation suggested the course was actually aimed at parents of children with special needs.
It still took a while to win me over and I seemed to be the only parent who didn't think it was a problem letting your child take the lead and do stuff to please her for an easy life!
We talked about all the kids behaviours that we'd like to stop and things we'd like them to start doing. We talked about using the 1,2,3 count and the time out punishment.
It was quite nice to hear other parents talking about similar problems to us and to have someone to talk about your child with who could understand your frustrations.
On rating Freya she didn't seem that bad, only scoring 47 out of a possible 100 but a lot didn't apply for her age and when we rated them as either minor but annoying or majorly annoying nearly all of hers went in the majorly annoying :/
We also found out about another course about visual awareness that we asked to be sent on as it seemed it would be useful for us and Freya.
We have another session this week on how to manage the challenging of the counting so we will see how that goes!
I was very grumpy when I went in, I didn't want to wear a sticker with my name and did make a comment to the mum next to me saying "don't we all need the same sticker saying bad parent?" she just laughed and said "only bad parent, I've got myself down as hopeless too!" which did cheer me up a little.
I went on to moan that I didn't think it would work for Freya as she was autistic and it turned out her son is autistic too so I shut up.
The ladies running it started by introducing themselves and it turned out one of them had an autistic son and the conversation suggested the course was actually aimed at parents of children with special needs.
It still took a while to win me over and I seemed to be the only parent who didn't think it was a problem letting your child take the lead and do stuff to please her for an easy life!
We talked about all the kids behaviours that we'd like to stop and things we'd like them to start doing. We talked about using the 1,2,3 count and the time out punishment.
It was quite nice to hear other parents talking about similar problems to us and to have someone to talk about your child with who could understand your frustrations.
On rating Freya she didn't seem that bad, only scoring 47 out of a possible 100 but a lot didn't apply for her age and when we rated them as either minor but annoying or majorly annoying nearly all of hers went in the majorly annoying :/
We also found out about another course about visual awareness that we asked to be sent on as it seemed it would be useful for us and Freya.
We have another session this week on how to manage the challenging of the counting so we will see how that goes!
Tuesday 24 September 2013
Happy to not be a supermum!!
I've really got a bee in my bonnet in the last few weeks about the bombardment of tales of "supermums" I keep coming across, and while I may have been less inclined to voice my opinion 18 years ago when I had my first baby at only 18 myself, I now feel at the more accepted age of 36 with 6 kids I am qualified to have a good moan about it!
We are always being told how awful it is that our children are growing up looking at super skinny models with have it all lifestyles and thinking they must be the same to be accepted, but what about the ever growing list of things us hard working, under appreciated mums are now being told we must do or have in order to be merely considered as being a "good mum".
Now before I unintentionally offend anyone, if you are working, looking fabulous, raising money for charity, and bringing up polite, well rounded children without breaking a sweat then good on you.
It's great that there are women who can do so much but has anyone else noticed how being bombarded with constant stories of these "supermums" makes the rest of us feel that we shouldn't even be entitled to be mums?
It used to be the ultimate achievement to be on the PTA at your child's school but these days you're not worth the time of day if you're not juggling multiple commitments in a designer dress with a huge smile on your face!
It started with the breast feeding for me, we all know breast feeding in best but why are women still being made to feel guilty if they can't? One first time mum told me a sales assistant in boots refused to tell her where the formula milk was and gave her an ear full about how she should be breast feeding her baby??!!
I was fuming, the poor woman was a total state trying to justify to me why she hadn't been able to do it.
I put her straight and explained I had tried with my first which was so awful I didn't try again until the fifth one (Freya) which again didn't work as she was very stressed at the breast and slightly tongue tied and again with Lucas I persevered for the first day but even the midwives admitted he was properly attached but I was just sobbing in pain for the whole feed. Just last week another busy body from the children's centre said "oh if only you'd come to us we could have got him going"!! Yes, well I'd had my 2nd c-section and wasn't going anywhere for weeks and several midwives checked his attachment so they couldn't all be wrong!
I now wonder if this is because I'm autistic? I am always hurting myself and it's often commented on that I make a huge fuss at the smallest things so maybe I'm the opposite of Freya and I'm over sensitive to pain??
It's screwed me up so much feeling a huge failure for being unable to breast feed that it's a big part of why I wanted testing for autism. Some may see that as looking for an excuse but after years of feeling I've been the problem in every area of my life I'd be quite happy to let myself off just one of my failings!
You would think that working with babies would give these people some understanding of how hard it is but it seems more that they see so many they become almost complacent about it!
My husband got the raw end of another of my bug bears the other day as he stood chatting to a lady from playgroup in Morrison's and merrily announced to me her baby was only 6 days old! I tried hard to bite my tongue but got in such a huge strop I ended up ranting at him for about half an hour about how I'm sure she had an immaculately tidy home too and was probably still having her husbands tea on the table as he came in after work and maybe her baby was even sleeping through already and if not she was clearly just another supermum and he should have picked better when choosing a mum for his son!
Needless to say he just sat looking at me in disbelief with his mouth open!
And this is the damage that's done by these seemingly innocent comments people make, every time my mum comes round and says "oh dear did a bomb go off in here?" or her favourite "you've clearly been neglecting the exercises, my tummy never looked like that, it looks like you're expecting again"!!
This is why I get mad when people suggest parenting classes because I feel they're saying I'm useless.
I feel inferior every time I see a photo of the things my niece gets up to with her 2 cooking and crafting, and she works too. I'm just looking after the kids, my husband and the house and not even asking for any time for myself and I can't keep on top of things. I don't get to go for a wee in peace so getting half an hour to exercise or straighten my hair is pretty unlikely. By the time they've both gone to bed I'm so exhausted I just fall asleep!
I wonder now how I managed to study for my degree when I had four kids at home and had no partner to help me. Maybe I used to be a supermum but I've lost my powers?! Or maybe not, then the kids were getting neglected being shoved in childcare while I attended lectures and wrote up dissertations.
When they were tiny you could have eaten off my kitchen floor but I was a raving loony screaming at the kids every time they got something out, threatening to throw all their toys away if they didn't tidy up, I don't think they were happier then and I certainly wasn't.
I used to be a size 8 after my first four but guess what I got older and then I had a huge baby boy and now I'm a size 12, so what?! I wouldn't send him back to get my figure back and I'm not prepared to work myself into the ground to tone my tummy at the present time either, I'm still getting up at least twice a night for either him or Freya and I'm tired out! Also having had a history of eating disorders I'm not going to allow myself to get hung up on my bit of flab nor tell myself I can't have a piece of cheesecake or chocolate, it would be the fastest way to end up back on anti-depressants!
I guess I would just like the world to realise that all mums are different, and we are generally trying our best and doing what we think is right for us or our kids. It's a tough enough job without all the guilt and expectations of others.
So I may not be a supermum, but I'm happy not to be, I would be so stressed trying to do so much just because society thinks I should and I would be a worse parent for it. I know I'm not a fantastic mum and I have got things wrong and no doubt will again but when I get Lucas out of his cot in the morning or pick up Freya from nursery they both have huge grins and hold out there arms to me, and isn't that what really matters?
We are always being told how awful it is that our children are growing up looking at super skinny models with have it all lifestyles and thinking they must be the same to be accepted, but what about the ever growing list of things us hard working, under appreciated mums are now being told we must do or have in order to be merely considered as being a "good mum".
Now before I unintentionally offend anyone, if you are working, looking fabulous, raising money for charity, and bringing up polite, well rounded children without breaking a sweat then good on you.
It's great that there are women who can do so much but has anyone else noticed how being bombarded with constant stories of these "supermums" makes the rest of us feel that we shouldn't even be entitled to be mums?
It used to be the ultimate achievement to be on the PTA at your child's school but these days you're not worth the time of day if you're not juggling multiple commitments in a designer dress with a huge smile on your face!
It started with the breast feeding for me, we all know breast feeding in best but why are women still being made to feel guilty if they can't? One first time mum told me a sales assistant in boots refused to tell her where the formula milk was and gave her an ear full about how she should be breast feeding her baby??!!
I was fuming, the poor woman was a total state trying to justify to me why she hadn't been able to do it.
I put her straight and explained I had tried with my first which was so awful I didn't try again until the fifth one (Freya) which again didn't work as she was very stressed at the breast and slightly tongue tied and again with Lucas I persevered for the first day but even the midwives admitted he was properly attached but I was just sobbing in pain for the whole feed. Just last week another busy body from the children's centre said "oh if only you'd come to us we could have got him going"!! Yes, well I'd had my 2nd c-section and wasn't going anywhere for weeks and several midwives checked his attachment so they couldn't all be wrong!
I now wonder if this is because I'm autistic? I am always hurting myself and it's often commented on that I make a huge fuss at the smallest things so maybe I'm the opposite of Freya and I'm over sensitive to pain??
It's screwed me up so much feeling a huge failure for being unable to breast feed that it's a big part of why I wanted testing for autism. Some may see that as looking for an excuse but after years of feeling I've been the problem in every area of my life I'd be quite happy to let myself off just one of my failings!
You would think that working with babies would give these people some understanding of how hard it is but it seems more that they see so many they become almost complacent about it!
My husband got the raw end of another of my bug bears the other day as he stood chatting to a lady from playgroup in Morrison's and merrily announced to me her baby was only 6 days old! I tried hard to bite my tongue but got in such a huge strop I ended up ranting at him for about half an hour about how I'm sure she had an immaculately tidy home too and was probably still having her husbands tea on the table as he came in after work and maybe her baby was even sleeping through already and if not she was clearly just another supermum and he should have picked better when choosing a mum for his son!
Needless to say he just sat looking at me in disbelief with his mouth open!
And this is the damage that's done by these seemingly innocent comments people make, every time my mum comes round and says "oh dear did a bomb go off in here?" or her favourite "you've clearly been neglecting the exercises, my tummy never looked like that, it looks like you're expecting again"!!
This is why I get mad when people suggest parenting classes because I feel they're saying I'm useless.
I feel inferior every time I see a photo of the things my niece gets up to with her 2 cooking and crafting, and she works too. I'm just looking after the kids, my husband and the house and not even asking for any time for myself and I can't keep on top of things. I don't get to go for a wee in peace so getting half an hour to exercise or straighten my hair is pretty unlikely. By the time they've both gone to bed I'm so exhausted I just fall asleep!
I wonder now how I managed to study for my degree when I had four kids at home and had no partner to help me. Maybe I used to be a supermum but I've lost my powers?! Or maybe not, then the kids were getting neglected being shoved in childcare while I attended lectures and wrote up dissertations.
When they were tiny you could have eaten off my kitchen floor but I was a raving loony screaming at the kids every time they got something out, threatening to throw all their toys away if they didn't tidy up, I don't think they were happier then and I certainly wasn't.
I used to be a size 8 after my first four but guess what I got older and then I had a huge baby boy and now I'm a size 12, so what?! I wouldn't send him back to get my figure back and I'm not prepared to work myself into the ground to tone my tummy at the present time either, I'm still getting up at least twice a night for either him or Freya and I'm tired out! Also having had a history of eating disorders I'm not going to allow myself to get hung up on my bit of flab nor tell myself I can't have a piece of cheesecake or chocolate, it would be the fastest way to end up back on anti-depressants!
I guess I would just like the world to realise that all mums are different, and we are generally trying our best and doing what we think is right for us or our kids. It's a tough enough job without all the guilt and expectations of others.
So I may not be a supermum, but I'm happy not to be, I would be so stressed trying to do so much just because society thinks I should and I would be a worse parent for it. I know I'm not a fantastic mum and I have got things wrong and no doubt will again but when I get Lucas out of his cot in the morning or pick up Freya from nursery they both have huge grins and hold out there arms to me, and isn't that what really matters?
Monday 16 September 2013
Martha's vintage tearoom review
We popped into the newest tearoom in Shefford today
Martha's vintage tearoom has opened up next to the dolls house in duck lane in Shefford
We were enticed in by the smell of cooking from the open door......
We decided to sit inside as it was a little chilly, my first impressions were this was not a place I could have brought Freya.
The tables were laid with pretty embroidered cloths over pale blue table cloths and each setting had a china tea cup and saucer.
I liked the feel of the place, it was quiet when we went in and I quite enjoyed the old music they were playing.
I decided to try the soup which we had smelt, it was a homemade onion, my husband ordered an egg sandwich. I don't recall ever having onion soup out and was confused as to the piece of cheese toasted bread floating in the middle, my husband assured me this was normal.
His plate on the other hand was not, he had a little side salad which had been served in another tea cup! The sandwich was served in little triangles like my mum used to make on Sundays for tea and a handful of crinkle cut crisps.
More people came in and someone bought a hanging sign from the wall which was then replaced with anther from the dolls house shop.
My soup was very nice and Mike assured my his sandwich was "the best egg mayo sandwich he'd ever bought" quite something coming from him, he's a bit of a food snob! Lucas shared a bit of everything but proved my point about it not being too kid friendly by grinding a soggy brown sugar cube into the nice lacy tablecloth!
They may have had ones to replace them but I felt everything was too fiddly and delicate to have anything but the best behaved older kids in there.
On the plus side there are the tables outside that you could use if it's nice enough although I expect you would still get the kids juice in a glass, a nightmare for parents of kids who like to lob things around!
My husband had a nice chat with the chef before we left and she told him she'd tried a beetroot and apple soup earlier in the week, that sounded interesting.
The staff were very pleasant and while it was a bit more expensive than we expected it was a lovely enough visit to prompt me to write this and hopefully drum up a little more business for them :)
So if you live in Shefford and haven't tried it yet or if you're visiting, pop in to Martha's vintage tearoom and see what you think.
Disclaimer: All opinions are my own, I was not asked to provide a review and did not receive anything for doing so.
Martha's vintage tearoom has opened up next to the dolls house in duck lane in Shefford
We were enticed in by the smell of cooking from the open door......
We decided to sit inside as it was a little chilly, my first impressions were this was not a place I could have brought Freya.
The tables were laid with pretty embroidered cloths over pale blue table cloths and each setting had a china tea cup and saucer.
I liked the feel of the place, it was quiet when we went in and I quite enjoyed the old music they were playing.
I decided to try the soup which we had smelt, it was a homemade onion, my husband ordered an egg sandwich. I don't recall ever having onion soup out and was confused as to the piece of cheese toasted bread floating in the middle, my husband assured me this was normal.
His plate on the other hand was not, he had a little side salad which had been served in another tea cup! The sandwich was served in little triangles like my mum used to make on Sundays for tea and a handful of crinkle cut crisps.
More people came in and someone bought a hanging sign from the wall which was then replaced with anther from the dolls house shop.
My soup was very nice and Mike assured my his sandwich was "the best egg mayo sandwich he'd ever bought" quite something coming from him, he's a bit of a food snob! Lucas shared a bit of everything but proved my point about it not being too kid friendly by grinding a soggy brown sugar cube into the nice lacy tablecloth!
They may have had ones to replace them but I felt everything was too fiddly and delicate to have anything but the best behaved older kids in there.
On the plus side there are the tables outside that you could use if it's nice enough although I expect you would still get the kids juice in a glass, a nightmare for parents of kids who like to lob things around!
My husband had a nice chat with the chef before we left and she told him she'd tried a beetroot and apple soup earlier in the week, that sounded interesting.
The staff were very pleasant and while it was a bit more expensive than we expected it was a lovely enough visit to prompt me to write this and hopefully drum up a little more business for them :)
So if you live in Shefford and haven't tried it yet or if you're visiting, pop in to Martha's vintage tearoom and see what you think.
Disclaimer: All opinions are my own, I was not asked to provide a review and did not receive anything for doing so.
123 magic scepticism
We have been recommended to go on the next 123 magic parenting course, for those who like me have never heard of it, it's a course on how to effectively discipline 2-12 year olds.
Apparently it's magnificent and will transform my daughter into a parent abiding toddler......
Or maybe the idea is to show us how to control our child as clearly we haven't been doing a good job??
It seems both pointless to me and somewhat insulting, if I was a first time mum I may feel less insulted, or if it was a course on how to handle your autistic child it may seem more helpful.
Having 6 kids has taught me one certainty, no one rule works for all kids, sometimes all the ideas don't work for one kid.
I may know fairly little about autism but I do know my child and she doesn't respond in the same way as other kids, you can't expect her to "fall in line" to help us discipline her.
Yes she needs reeling in, she's unpredictable and somewhat out of control at times but do they really think we haven't already tried? I'm already fed up of people coming into my house and effectively saying "there look she did what I asked while I was here what's your problem?"
All these experts are always ranting on about reinforcement, believe me I repeat the same requests every single day, "no ice cream for breakfast", "please sit down while you're eating", "no dummy during the day" etc
Does it make any difference to Freya?? Nooooooo
She can easily out-scream me, out-argue me and move a lot faster than I can to get what she wants.
By the time you've heard "need my dummy,need my dummy" fifty times without stopping to draw breath at full volume, you actually want her to have the damn thing!
I have never met a child whose scream is so piercing and it's relentless. The point of it is to get what she wants and she won't stop until she's got it.
I don't care anymore if she will do what nursery ask or someone who comes to play, I don't care if they think I'm stupid or useless for not being able to distract her onto something else to avoid a tantrum. The fact is she is full on hard work at home and it's not because I am lacking in parenting skills, it's because she can be, she can let loose, she gets bored at home and ignored as I sort out Lucas or try to get things done.
All that I'm expecting from 123 magic is to become extremely frustrated myself as someone tries to tell me these methods will work for my child. Added to the stress of finding childcare for Lucas, re-arranging Freya's nursery days so we can attend and then finding time to do homework!!
I'd even forgotten that I'd have to interact with other parents and listen to their opinions about discipline, (not one of my strong points) it's likely that I will end up offending someone if not everyone as I just can't listen to people spouting on about how we should all do things the same way, it's like a parenting cult!
I wish I'd just said I didn't want to go but I always feel I don't have a choice, like just saying thanks but I don't feel it will help makes me a bad parent. What do I think is going to happen then? That they will whisk her off to another family? Some days I wish someone would just for a day!
Perhaps I will be pleasantly surprised and some of the suggestions will help us with Freya but for now I'm not looking forward to the experience one bit!
Apparently it's magnificent and will transform my daughter into a parent abiding toddler......
Or maybe the idea is to show us how to control our child as clearly we haven't been doing a good job??
It seems both pointless to me and somewhat insulting, if I was a first time mum I may feel less insulted, or if it was a course on how to handle your autistic child it may seem more helpful.
Having 6 kids has taught me one certainty, no one rule works for all kids, sometimes all the ideas don't work for one kid.
I may know fairly little about autism but I do know my child and she doesn't respond in the same way as other kids, you can't expect her to "fall in line" to help us discipline her.
Yes she needs reeling in, she's unpredictable and somewhat out of control at times but do they really think we haven't already tried? I'm already fed up of people coming into my house and effectively saying "there look she did what I asked while I was here what's your problem?"
All these experts are always ranting on about reinforcement, believe me I repeat the same requests every single day, "no ice cream for breakfast", "please sit down while you're eating", "no dummy during the day" etc
Does it make any difference to Freya?? Nooooooo
She can easily out-scream me, out-argue me and move a lot faster than I can to get what she wants.
By the time you've heard "need my dummy,need my dummy" fifty times without stopping to draw breath at full volume, you actually want her to have the damn thing!
I have never met a child whose scream is so piercing and it's relentless. The point of it is to get what she wants and she won't stop until she's got it.
I don't care anymore if she will do what nursery ask or someone who comes to play, I don't care if they think I'm stupid or useless for not being able to distract her onto something else to avoid a tantrum. The fact is she is full on hard work at home and it's not because I am lacking in parenting skills, it's because she can be, she can let loose, she gets bored at home and ignored as I sort out Lucas or try to get things done.
All that I'm expecting from 123 magic is to become extremely frustrated myself as someone tries to tell me these methods will work for my child. Added to the stress of finding childcare for Lucas, re-arranging Freya's nursery days so we can attend and then finding time to do homework!!
I'd even forgotten that I'd have to interact with other parents and listen to their opinions about discipline, (not one of my strong points) it's likely that I will end up offending someone if not everyone as I just can't listen to people spouting on about how we should all do things the same way, it's like a parenting cult!
I wish I'd just said I didn't want to go but I always feel I don't have a choice, like just saying thanks but I don't feel it will help makes me a bad parent. What do I think is going to happen then? That they will whisk her off to another family? Some days I wish someone would just for a day!
Perhaps I will be pleasantly surprised and some of the suggestions will help us with Freya but for now I'm not looking forward to the experience one bit!
Sunday 15 September 2013
Current issues
Knowing we have another meeting around Freya's 3rd birthday I have been trying to make mental notes of her current behaviour issues.
I have a great memory for useless things like postcodes and phone numbers but when put on the spot I usually have a brain melt down and end up rambling irrelevant rubbish so I thought I'd try and note stuff down in my blogs and then I can refer back to it.
In the last week I have noticed every time there's a loud noise ie; lorries passing, she has started covering her ears, if she is holding my hand at the time she tends to disappear behind my back away from the noise source and use one arm to try to cover both ears! I haven't seen her do this since she was about 12-18 months when I took her to singing at the library, I used to just think it looked rude that she refused to join in and stood with her hands over her ears whenever the singing started, inevitably I stopped taking her.
I noticed a few weeks ago that she was shutting her eyes when we were walking, she also did it on the second floor of a soft play area much to my horror. I have tried to catch her doing it (not always easy when pushing a buggy as well as looking where you're going) and notice what seems to prompt it. As would seem logical she is doing it when she doesn't want to see something or maybe doesn't want them to see her, for example when we walked past the bus stop and there were about 4 old people who were all smiling at her and looking in the buggy at Lucas.
As I've become more aware of my own reactions to feeling uncomfortable in situations I'm finding it easier to notice how she reacts, it's interesting that it's often at similar things though obviously I don't cover my ears or close my eyes!
It sounds silly but we are so used to her we often don't see somethings she does as unusual.
Shopping has always been a problem with Freya but now she's bigger it seems to me that she genuinely finds the whole process totally confusing. She found a lovely basket of pretend food in mothercare earlier and when we tried to leave without it we had half an hour of full out screaming and genuine sobbing. She kept saying "need my food, need my food" I tried to say it wasn't hers, we would go and get real food but she wasn't having any of it desperately pleading "please please have my food"
I don't want her to think she can have whatever she wants and sees but at the same time she never asks for just anything or everything, she's very specific about what she wants. Sometimes I think it would be worth paying for the items just to avoid the tantrum but I'm worried that will send the wrong message.
The more I study these events though the more I think she's not having a tantrum because she can't have something or do something she's having the tantrum because she doesn't understand why she can't have the basket of food or jump in the huge puddle which will make her wet and cold. I have tried all different angles to explain why and sometimes she gets it and sometimes not. I think she just sees shops as a huge place full of stuff for you to take what you want, and isn't that what they are?? The problem is trying to explain one we have to pay for the stuff or the policeman will come and be cross with us (she'd probably like a policeman to come!) and two that I don't want or can't afford half the stuff she'd like to take home.
We went from the pretend food incident to tesco where she found herself an umbrella and refused to give it up, she dutifully put it on the belt at the till and I had to concede she'd listened to me saying we had to pay for stuff before taking it! I just can't argue with her logic as I think so logically myself :/
I think we have both relaxed a lot about events when we're out, I was a real stickler for doing things right with my others who would never have got a pudding without finishing their dinner while Freya insisted on opening all of the food in her lunch bag and eating the sweets first.
Maybe it's because she eats all day so I knew eventually she would eat the sandwich, which she did, and I've stopped caring when people stare as she gets red sauce to go in her sandwiches.
I was very proud of myself for avoiding another screaming fit on the way out. My husband had told her to sit on the bench while I paid at the till but as she went to sit down I was done so he said "come on then back to the car" I tried to pick her up as she had thrown her shoes off earlier trying on ladies stilettos but she was just starting to scream and kick. I would usually have just carried her to the car yelling but instead I carried her to the bench and sat her down, she looked in her bag and listed the contents. I spoke to her very calmly and said "now can we go to the car", "yes she said, to the car", I continued "can I carry you because you've got no shoes on?" to which she stood up and wrapped her arms round my neck and legs round my waist with a big smile!
I could sense my husband was less than impressed but it had taken a second and was, in the end, quicker and less stressful than if I'd have insisted we went to the car the first time. As he put Lucas in the car he was still muttering "why does she have to make such a big deal of everything? it does my head in" I didn't say so but I was thinking, you have no idea how much it does her head in!
This week Freya has also learnt how to undo the freezer lock which is proving a nightmare to try and control her ice cream obsession, I will end up having to stock the freezer like it's summer all winter at this rate. Even with the ice creams she has to choose it, you may occasionally be able to help unwrap it but she must remove it from the packet or she just won't eat it, it will get flung on the floor and she will get another one!
The throwing has definitely become more of an issue lately, she has enjoyed flinging things for a while but now it's happening several times a day and can't be stopped until everything has been disposed of from the chosen shelf or cupboard. I guess because she's bigger and stronger now (and a better aim) I find it more worrying. She generally isn't throwing things at us, though she has started to enjoy hitting me and whacking me with things, it's normally just a flying exercise which I can't understand the purpose or fun of :/
My wardrobe is the latest victim of daily fun as she flings all the clothes out so she can swing on the rail!
I have emptied her room of everything but the bed and cot, a few favourite soft toys and her bob the builder work bench. It seems to have stayed fairly tidy since then though I still sometimes find all the pictures have been pulled down. She found her waybaloo lamp in the clear out and is now insisting on having it on all day under the bed so it gives a nice glow all the way round her bed.
For some unknown reason she has decided that she would like to crawl to and from town now and then, this does push my buttons, it takes ages, naturally people can't help but stare at a crawling 3 year old on reins and she can't be talked out of the idea or pulled to a standing position :(
We have been waiting about 6 months now for an appointment from the speech therapist, I can usually make out what she's saying and somethings are very clear. She has good knowledge of words and tries to talk in sentences but it's still disjointed, more like mummy.....have.....ice cream than mummy have ice cream and her language is still pretty simplistic. She has become a lot louder in the last month or so :/
Yesterday presented a new problem for her red sauce obsession as she decided it would be fun to start flicking it around and painting it onto my pouffe with a brush. If that continues she won't be able to have red sauce and that will cause merry havoc at mealtimes as she still "needs" it with every meal even if it's a roast.
Legs seem to be the flavour of the week for rubbing food into, ice cream works especially well it seems.
That said some lady coming out of Morrison's yesterday took one look at her and loudly commented to her other half that she couldn't believe people took their kids out with shit all down them! I wanted to say it's hard enough to get this child dressed once a day and get her to keep her clothes on and if I changed her every time she dribbled something down herself I'd need a room full of clothes, but I didn't!
That reminds me that the dribbling is still an issue, when she's excited or crying and sometimes just at random.
We continue to have to watch umi zoomi for the majority of the day, I try not to mind as it is educational and I can see how she enjoys the numbers, shapes and patterns but I can also see that she hasn't so much learnt maths but rather remembered the answers from nearly every episode!
Potty training continues to evade her and she will fight you rather than agree to get the pooh cleaned up :(
All this said there have of course been some positive happy moments in the last week, she seems to have grasped that "i love you too" is the appropriate response to me saying "i love you" and is getting better at coming for cuddles, on her terms still of course.
I caught her chatting away to Lucas this morning when they woke up and she kept going back in when he grizzled when she left the room. She still hates him touching her or anything whether it's hers or his, but she comes and tells me now "oocus not very happy" when he's crying :)
As always, her general over excitement and happiness at the seemingly smallest things always makes me smile.
I have a great memory for useless things like postcodes and phone numbers but when put on the spot I usually have a brain melt down and end up rambling irrelevant rubbish so I thought I'd try and note stuff down in my blogs and then I can refer back to it.
In the last week I have noticed every time there's a loud noise ie; lorries passing, she has started covering her ears, if she is holding my hand at the time she tends to disappear behind my back away from the noise source and use one arm to try to cover both ears! I haven't seen her do this since she was about 12-18 months when I took her to singing at the library, I used to just think it looked rude that she refused to join in and stood with her hands over her ears whenever the singing started, inevitably I stopped taking her.
I noticed a few weeks ago that she was shutting her eyes when we were walking, she also did it on the second floor of a soft play area much to my horror. I have tried to catch her doing it (not always easy when pushing a buggy as well as looking where you're going) and notice what seems to prompt it. As would seem logical she is doing it when she doesn't want to see something or maybe doesn't want them to see her, for example when we walked past the bus stop and there were about 4 old people who were all smiling at her and looking in the buggy at Lucas.
As I've become more aware of my own reactions to feeling uncomfortable in situations I'm finding it easier to notice how she reacts, it's interesting that it's often at similar things though obviously I don't cover my ears or close my eyes!
It sounds silly but we are so used to her we often don't see somethings she does as unusual.
Shopping has always been a problem with Freya but now she's bigger it seems to me that she genuinely finds the whole process totally confusing. She found a lovely basket of pretend food in mothercare earlier and when we tried to leave without it we had half an hour of full out screaming and genuine sobbing. She kept saying "need my food, need my food" I tried to say it wasn't hers, we would go and get real food but she wasn't having any of it desperately pleading "please please have my food"
I don't want her to think she can have whatever she wants and sees but at the same time she never asks for just anything or everything, she's very specific about what she wants. Sometimes I think it would be worth paying for the items just to avoid the tantrum but I'm worried that will send the wrong message.
The more I study these events though the more I think she's not having a tantrum because she can't have something or do something she's having the tantrum because she doesn't understand why she can't have the basket of food or jump in the huge puddle which will make her wet and cold. I have tried all different angles to explain why and sometimes she gets it and sometimes not. I think she just sees shops as a huge place full of stuff for you to take what you want, and isn't that what they are?? The problem is trying to explain one we have to pay for the stuff or the policeman will come and be cross with us (she'd probably like a policeman to come!) and two that I don't want or can't afford half the stuff she'd like to take home.
We went from the pretend food incident to tesco where she found herself an umbrella and refused to give it up, she dutifully put it on the belt at the till and I had to concede she'd listened to me saying we had to pay for stuff before taking it! I just can't argue with her logic as I think so logically myself :/
I think we have both relaxed a lot about events when we're out, I was a real stickler for doing things right with my others who would never have got a pudding without finishing their dinner while Freya insisted on opening all of the food in her lunch bag and eating the sweets first.
Maybe it's because she eats all day so I knew eventually she would eat the sandwich, which she did, and I've stopped caring when people stare as she gets red sauce to go in her sandwiches.
I was very proud of myself for avoiding another screaming fit on the way out. My husband had told her to sit on the bench while I paid at the till but as she went to sit down I was done so he said "come on then back to the car" I tried to pick her up as she had thrown her shoes off earlier trying on ladies stilettos but she was just starting to scream and kick. I would usually have just carried her to the car yelling but instead I carried her to the bench and sat her down, she looked in her bag and listed the contents. I spoke to her very calmly and said "now can we go to the car", "yes she said, to the car", I continued "can I carry you because you've got no shoes on?" to which she stood up and wrapped her arms round my neck and legs round my waist with a big smile!
I could sense my husband was less than impressed but it had taken a second and was, in the end, quicker and less stressful than if I'd have insisted we went to the car the first time. As he put Lucas in the car he was still muttering "why does she have to make such a big deal of everything? it does my head in" I didn't say so but I was thinking, you have no idea how much it does her head in!
This week Freya has also learnt how to undo the freezer lock which is proving a nightmare to try and control her ice cream obsession, I will end up having to stock the freezer like it's summer all winter at this rate. Even with the ice creams she has to choose it, you may occasionally be able to help unwrap it but she must remove it from the packet or she just won't eat it, it will get flung on the floor and she will get another one!
The throwing has definitely become more of an issue lately, she has enjoyed flinging things for a while but now it's happening several times a day and can't be stopped until everything has been disposed of from the chosen shelf or cupboard. I guess because she's bigger and stronger now (and a better aim) I find it more worrying. She generally isn't throwing things at us, though she has started to enjoy hitting me and whacking me with things, it's normally just a flying exercise which I can't understand the purpose or fun of :/
My wardrobe is the latest victim of daily fun as she flings all the clothes out so she can swing on the rail!
I have emptied her room of everything but the bed and cot, a few favourite soft toys and her bob the builder work bench. It seems to have stayed fairly tidy since then though I still sometimes find all the pictures have been pulled down. She found her waybaloo lamp in the clear out and is now insisting on having it on all day under the bed so it gives a nice glow all the way round her bed.
For some unknown reason she has decided that she would like to crawl to and from town now and then, this does push my buttons, it takes ages, naturally people can't help but stare at a crawling 3 year old on reins and she can't be talked out of the idea or pulled to a standing position :(
We have been waiting about 6 months now for an appointment from the speech therapist, I can usually make out what she's saying and somethings are very clear. She has good knowledge of words and tries to talk in sentences but it's still disjointed, more like mummy.....have.....ice cream than mummy have ice cream and her language is still pretty simplistic. She has become a lot louder in the last month or so :/
Yesterday presented a new problem for her red sauce obsession as she decided it would be fun to start flicking it around and painting it onto my pouffe with a brush. If that continues she won't be able to have red sauce and that will cause merry havoc at mealtimes as she still "needs" it with every meal even if it's a roast.
Legs seem to be the flavour of the week for rubbing food into, ice cream works especially well it seems.
That said some lady coming out of Morrison's yesterday took one look at her and loudly commented to her other half that she couldn't believe people took their kids out with shit all down them! I wanted to say it's hard enough to get this child dressed once a day and get her to keep her clothes on and if I changed her every time she dribbled something down herself I'd need a room full of clothes, but I didn't!
That reminds me that the dribbling is still an issue, when she's excited or crying and sometimes just at random.
We continue to have to watch umi zoomi for the majority of the day, I try not to mind as it is educational and I can see how she enjoys the numbers, shapes and patterns but I can also see that she hasn't so much learnt maths but rather remembered the answers from nearly every episode!
Potty training continues to evade her and she will fight you rather than agree to get the pooh cleaned up :(
All this said there have of course been some positive happy moments in the last week, she seems to have grasped that "i love you too" is the appropriate response to me saying "i love you" and is getting better at coming for cuddles, on her terms still of course.
I caught her chatting away to Lucas this morning when they woke up and she kept going back in when he grizzled when she left the room. She still hates him touching her or anything whether it's hers or his, but she comes and tells me now "oocus not very happy" when he's crying :)
As always, her general over excitement and happiness at the seemingly smallest things always makes me smile.
Saturday 14 September 2013
Freya as the dragon bridesmaid!
After many false alarms and bouts of cold feet I finally got married on Saturday, we had a handfasting ceremony in the garden and apart from the sudden cold spell we had a generally good day for it.
I was worried that Freya might find it all a bit too much having lots of people in the house and other children using her sandpit and slide etc but I was pleasantly suprised.
She seemed quite happy with all the attention she received (probably helped by a constant flow of food) I didn't@ see it but I have photographic evidence of her interacting with my neice's daughter!
We had originally agreed on a medeival theme so I'd bought Freya and Lucas dragon outfits to wear. It all ended up being re-arranged last minute so no one else was dressed up but as it had turned a bit chilly I let them wear their outfits. Freya has been enjoying hers for a few months now as can be seen in some of my other photos but I couldn't see a reason to use Lucas's again!
They were beautiful, very well made and Lucas's even had poppers at the bottom to change him, they found the head bits a tad annoying but all in all worth the cost especially if you have a child like Freya who trails everything about and generally abuses it! :p
Anyway, I was very impressed with her behaviour for the day with only one outburst over changing a well dried in dirty nappy :/
I hope it showed our guests that autistic children aren't just unreasonable, tantrumming, unsociable people, she had as much fun as anyone else (probably more) :)
I was worried that Freya might find it all a bit too much having lots of people in the house and other children using her sandpit and slide etc but I was pleasantly suprised.
She seemed quite happy with all the attention she received (probably helped by a constant flow of food) I didn't@ see it but I have photographic evidence of her interacting with my neice's daughter!
We had originally agreed on a medeival theme so I'd bought Freya and Lucas dragon outfits to wear. It all ended up being re-arranged last minute so no one else was dressed up but as it had turned a bit chilly I let them wear their outfits. Freya has been enjoying hers for a few months now as can be seen in some of my other photos but I couldn't see a reason to use Lucas's again!
They were beautiful, very well made and Lucas's even had poppers at the bottom to change him, they found the head bits a tad annoying but all in all worth the cost especially if you have a child like Freya who trails everything about and generally abuses it! :p
Anyway, I was very impressed with her behaviour for the day with only one outburst over changing a well dried in dirty nappy :/
I hope it showed our guests that autistic children aren't just unreasonable, tantrumming, unsociable people, she had as much fun as anyone else (probably more) :)
Toy/Product testing
My niece has been lucky enough to have been asked to review products by companies who have read her blogs and is often posting photos of her 2 happily testing out the latest toys.
I have so far been unable to work out how to successfully launch myself into the right circles to be asked to test anything out but it has got me thinking.
I would say I'm fairly opinionated and usually too honest so I think I'd be ideal, I already tell people how great things are that I feel have helped me and also am never shy to voice my niggles over things that don't work! Maybe I should just post some reviews of things we've bought??
Maybe it's the artist/designer in me but I come across so many things that I just think are awful, it makes me wonder if any thought went into their design at all.
For example, how many times have you been in a public toilet and been smacked in the back by a door because some bright spark decided it would be a good idea to put the hand driers behind the door??!!
Also having worked in sales for some years I am generally astounded by the lack of customer service you see these days, we stayed at a spa for our honeymoon and while we couldn't fault the staff and food and facilities, I twice received no response to emails I sent asking for accessibility information and asking for a call back to book?! It makes me wonder if these companies are making so much money they can afford to throw business away?!
Anyway, rant over, should anyone know of any companies looking for reviewers we would be more than happy to help :)
I was thinking earlier as I was watching her she would make a great test subject for durability of kids toys! It may be child proof but is it Freya proof??!!
It's getting harder as she gets bigger to find stuff she can play with as it all gets a bit fiddly and flimsy as they get to 3 as it's assumed they will play nicely by now!
I'm mainly buying bubbles at the moment, at least one huge tube a week which she runs around with flicking like mad so no bubbles come out and inevitably ends up tipping it out on the floor in an effort to work out why it's not working :/
I have so far been unable to work out how to successfully launch myself into the right circles to be asked to test anything out but it has got me thinking.
I would say I'm fairly opinionated and usually too honest so I think I'd be ideal, I already tell people how great things are that I feel have helped me and also am never shy to voice my niggles over things that don't work! Maybe I should just post some reviews of things we've bought??
Maybe it's the artist/designer in me but I come across so many things that I just think are awful, it makes me wonder if any thought went into their design at all.
For example, how many times have you been in a public toilet and been smacked in the back by a door because some bright spark decided it would be a good idea to put the hand driers behind the door??!!
Also having worked in sales for some years I am generally astounded by the lack of customer service you see these days, we stayed at a spa for our honeymoon and while we couldn't fault the staff and food and facilities, I twice received no response to emails I sent asking for accessibility information and asking for a call back to book?! It makes me wonder if these companies are making so much money they can afford to throw business away?!
Anyway, rant over, should anyone know of any companies looking for reviewers we would be more than happy to help :)
I was thinking earlier as I was watching her she would make a great test subject for durability of kids toys! It may be child proof but is it Freya proof??!!
It's getting harder as she gets bigger to find stuff she can play with as it all gets a bit fiddly and flimsy as they get to 3 as it's assumed they will play nicely by now!
I'm mainly buying bubbles at the moment, at least one huge tube a week which she runs around with flicking like mad so no bubbles come out and inevitably ends up tipping it out on the floor in an effort to work out why it's not working :/
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