Evie and Lola review

I was lucky enough to be invited to attend one of Evie and Lola's craft making workshops last night.
It was the crystal bracelet workshop, learning about the spiritual and healing properties of the stones and making them into a beautiful bracelet to take home.
I've always been quite a spiritual person and already own a few tumble stone crystals that I've collected over the years so was really excited at the thought of making my own personalised healing crystal bracelet.
We had a last minute change of venue as there were only 3 of us attending so Anwyn decided it would be nicer to hold the workshop in her home instead of the Harpur St studio. I was quite glad about that as I wasn't sure there'd be parking at the studio and didn't fancy a walk through Bedford in the dark, it turns out the studio does have parking in the evening at the rear so I'll know for future reference.
I was a little nervous going on my own but I needn't have been, Anwyn made me feel at home straight away in her beautiful cosy room dedicated to craft making, she had set the table up with all sorts of gorgeous looking colourful crystal beads and there was an even more inviting plate of yummy cupcakes waiting for her guests with a glass of wine or a warm beverage.

While we were waiting for the others one of Anwyn's daughters made me a lovely drink to have with my cupcake.
When the other ladies had arrived we started looking at some reference cards to find the crystals that would be best suited to us, Anwyn really wanted us to reap the benefits of the crystals and spent a long time reading and checking what we felt we needed to make sure they were going to be just right.
I chose a Sodalite crystal, I was drawn to the beautiful blue hues and when I read about it, it seemed to be made for me, it helps free rigid thoughts and encourages freedom to express your emotions, it can increase feelings of self esteem and self worth, aids sleep and encourages communication, all things which I struggle with.

One lady was making the bracelet for her mum which I thought was a lovely idea, such a personal gift and what a great time of year to be making one.
When we were all happy with our selections we chose a button to be our bracelet fastener and threaded it onto some leather. We then tied some thin thread onto the leather and began sewing our beads on with a flexible needle. Anwyn was incredible patient and helpful with us all as we were all a bit fingers and thumbs to start with until we got going but you could soon see it coming into shape and after the first few beads we were able to get into a rhythm with the threading.

The workshop lasted for 2 hours which flew by and I stayed a little later in the hope of finishing but in the end came away with all I needed to finish it at home. I felt confident enough that I could do it on my own now and Anwyn helped me work out how long it needed to be to fit my wrist perfectly and explained how to tie it off at the end.
If I had to make a criticism I'd say I could have done with a little more light as my eyes were getting tired towards the end of the night.
I really enjoyed my evening and felt so comfortable spending it with others who it turned out I had a lot in common with and I'd definitely recommend these workshops to anyone who has an interest in crafting especially if you're fairly new to it as it was so well explained and set up. It would be lovely to go with a friend but I was more than happy going alone and meeting new people. I would love to do another workshop with Anwyn and am so glad I went along and made my gorgeous bracelet which I can now wear knowing I made something to be proud of that will also help me with some of the difficulties life throws my way.

If you've never heard of the workshops please check them out at www.evieandlola.eventbrite.com

Tis the season to be jolly...well nearly

So I'm feeling a little festive this morning trailing through the internet writing my Christmas list for the husband. I did already tell him all I wanted for Christmas was a tummy tuck but at the risk of getting nothing or worse still a bunch of random stuff I won't like I thought I'd better make an effort.
My Christmas list is pretty much the same every year so you'd think after 6 years he wouldn't need the list but he is a man after all :)
I've always been a huge fan of Christmas, my birthday is on the 22nd of December so there's only been December to look forward to all my life. Growing up, mum would refuse to put up the Christmas tree until after my birthday, (I have no idea why, I'll have to ask) so I always felt like I hadn't had enough time to enjoy it before it was over. That said I remember mum making quite a bit of effort with the decorations, we always had the garlands on the ceiling and the big bells that were sort of opened up from a flat shape, I can remember how they smelled :) I always remember how long it took until you got dinner, you could smell it from about 9am and it seemed a lifetime until it was finally ready. We weren't allowed to open our presents until after lunch so I was always keen for lunch to hurry up and arrive, I even had to wait while they did the dishes afterwards!
As soon as I moved out I had my tree up on the 1st of December, just because I could :)
I used to make a lot more effort than I do these days, perhaps it's because we've moved about so much, nowhere has really felt homely. We've had years where the stockings were hung on the stairs which were part stripped and on random nails whacked in, last year the lounge was being plastered on the 23rd so the whole place was filthy and just looked awful, this year I still haven't got the skirting on, there's exposed pipes because I can't find anyone to box them in and the nice wooden beam I promised myself I'd have by this year to hang the stockings from is still not up.
I like to have 2 trees, I have done for some years now because otherwise I think it only feels like Christmas in one room but this year we definitely haven't got room, I don't even know where the main one is going to go, there's no space to move things about when your husband needs access for his wheelchair everywhere. It could go under the tv but that would mean getting a tiny one and that doesn't feel nice :(
I get cross with myself about my choice of decorations, last year I bought an igloo and 2 polar bears and then I just kept looking at them thinking how childish I am. I love the wooden houses with lights in but they're quite expensive and with Freya and Lucas being expert demolishers we've learned by now we just can't have nice things on display.
The wires are also always a problem, I don't know how other people manage, we've got loads of plugs but we always run out or the wire doesn't reach and you end up with an extension lead hanging in mid air between the plug socket and the window sill!
I soon find the effort of going round switching them all on and off too much and by boxing day I want to take them down as it feels so messy with so much stuff around and also it's all over then isn't it, I don't want a Christmas tree up at new year, it's not Christmas anymore!
Lucas was born on the 28th of December so we always have trouble arranging something for his birthday, most people refuse to do anything in December at all, we were very lucky last year that quite a few of his friends came to his party but this year I thought it would be easier to have it at the start of December thinking no one would be booked up by then. He's very confused by this idea and I wonder if it's going to cause more problems than it solves.
On the whole the kids are fine with Christmas, I've met some people on the autism courses whose kids can't cope with the changes or the flashing lights or things being wrapped up in paper. I'd find that really hard.
We don't have a huge amount of traditions, we generally take them to see Santa, they are both still a little wary of him, last year Lucas just grabbed his chocolate coins and was heading out the door without telling santa what he wanted! There's been a lot of talk about santa this year, lots of questioning how it all works by Freya. Lucas actually liked santa more after watching stick man last Christmas, he's been playing the game for the last few months on his kindle.
I don't like the whole santa thing, (despite still telling my husband we don't really know it's not a group of elves in Taiwan who make the toys in the shops!) I feel like I'm lying to them and I know at some point they're going to be heart broken. I have always told them that we buy the presents and santa delivers them, they've never questioned this despite the obvious. As far as they're concerned santa just fills the stockings and that stops any ungrateful behaviour of santa can get anything I want.
For example this year with the hatchimals, Freya saw them and asked for one but it was in with a bunch of other stuff she'd like, she knows her list is just ideas and she may get a few things from it. Lucas on the other hand is expecting everything on his list and everywhere we go he asks daddy to put it on the santa list! For the record she would not be getting a hatchimal even if I found one for the original selling price as I thought that was extortionate enough. I think it's important to teach them to be grateful for whatever they get and I explain that we don't have lots of money so we can't buy things that cost lots of pennies and I think she is starting to understand that, she often asks what she could get with different amounts of money. Her money from the tooth fairy helped with that, another horrible lie in my opinion :/
We usually go to the Christmas light switch on although I feel less excited about it this year, it's always stupidly busy and they have a fair that the kids want to go on everything and you end up stressed and frozen, and why are they always late switching them on?!
We try to take them up to Milton Keynes to see what's on in the centre, last year we just did the train and carousel, they're not good at queuing so that limits what we can do as the average event won't make allowances for kids with special needs, especially invisible ones.
We don't make the kids wait till after lunch for presents, they open their stockings as soon as they come down and then when everyone's up and ready we do the presents. Freya likes to read the labels and hand them out and we try to wait until everyone has one and open them at the same time but it always goes a bit mad and they always have more than anyone else. Like most kids I expect, they want the toys out of the boxes asap and so begins the joy of working out how the hell to get them untied and the hunt for scissors, tiny screwdrivers and batteries (I'm never organised enough to prepare all this stuff in advance)
Mike likes to leave it until Christmas eve to wrap his presents which drives me absolutely nuts! Last year I was still unable to go to bed at 11pm because he was busy wrapping my stuff in the bedroom!
I usually get lumped with wrapping everyone else's stuff, even stuff my mum buys because they say I'm good at wrapping, it's not hard really is it?! I like to wrap as I buy to stop nosey children finding their things.
I like a real tree, I like the smell and the fact it's always a bit different each year and I like the whole process of going to choose it. We tend to buy our trees from ikea as they sell them for £25 and you get a £20 voucher for money off your shop from around mid January, so effectively the tree has cost £5, we like to shop at ikea anyway and there's always something we need.
Fitting in seeing everyone when you have such a large family is always a struggle, the older girls want to be with their partners or sometimes at their dads. There's grandparents and now grandchildren to visit!
If I'm honest I am wondering whether to have our Christmas dinner out somewhere this year, I've always thought it was a horrible idea but as mum has decided to go to see her sister in Germany for Christmas it just doesn't feel like it's going to be quite right anyway. She drives me nuts of course when we do have her, she doesn't eat turkey so shows up with a little bit of pre cooked beef wrapped in tin foil, she makes comments about everything imaginable and monopolises the tv the entire time she's here BUT I love seeing her little face when she opens her stocking and her gifts and it's nice to have someone who can cut up the cabbage nice and thin :) it just won't be the same without her.
I'm a big fan of Christmas movies, well lots of movies really, I'm one of those people who quotes from films all the time and it's just so cool when someone gets it :) I can also find a song for most sentences people say but I digress.... my favourite Christmas movie is the muppet family Christmas because it's got the muppets, sesame street and the fraggles, there's lots of festive cheer and singing without the misery of the Christmas carol and the scary ghosts!
I also love miracle on 34th st, we are always subjected to the queens speech when mother is here, and that doesn't thrill me at all! (see what I did there??) I love the predictability of seasonal tv, you know there's going to be home alone and die hard, the snowman and for the last few years, downton (sob) I miss downton.
For me Christmas starts when the kids break up from school, that's when I crack open the tins of sweets, (if I haven't secretly eaten them all already) that's when the movie days start with lots of snacks of course, the buffet dinners that we never do at any other time of year?! The cheese and biscuits, the bowls of satsumas, the salted peanuts :) ahhh I love Christmas.
Last year we introduced the kids to the kindness elves, I didn't like the elf on the shelf, I think he's creepy looking and the kids don't need to see an elf being naughty to give them ideas, and wanted them to do a kind deed each day. It started off well but I soon ran out of feasible ideas for them to do and the kids wouldn't leave them alone so I ended up putting them up on a high shelf and saying they were watching them for santa! Freya has already asked if they'll be coming back again this year, I really have no excuse for not making more effort, I manage to sit and write this!
I'm pretty much done with my present shopping already, I don't do crazy, busy last minute shopping. I've even had my paper a few months now, although I always see something I'd rather of had once I've bought it. I can honestly say I haven't seen one pack of cards that have taken my fancy, though I was amused by the buy 24 cards get another 24 free offers, I don't even know 12 people I'd want to send a card to!
So that's about it for our run up to Christmas, of course there will be school plays and dinners and parties and overtime at work and birthdays as well but it's the one time of year I really look forward to spending time at home as a family and I hope that wherever you are reading this, that you can enjoy the festive season with your loved ones too, as the years fly by so quickly, and before you know it those little people have their own plans and their own families, maybe that's when you take a trip abroad for Christmas :)

Review of Early Learning Centre Happyland country train set

This is the Happyland country train set, advertised as suitable from 18 months due to it's chunky nature.
We bought this for my son last year when he was nearly 3 as he has started to show an interest in trains.

I love this set, he played with it constantly for days, so much so I got a bit sick of it sitting on the rug in the lounge and tried to pack it away but as soon as he noticed it had gone we had to get it back out :)
I love it because there's not a ton of fiddly pieces, there's just 6 pieces of track, 2 sides of the station platform and the train,car and 3 people, along with a happyland station sign. There's a little birds nest which sits on the station roof and the station house has a cute little pretend clock on the wall and a post box on the side. There's flower boxes and hanging baskets, lift up barriers at the car crossing and pretend traffic lights.

It takes 2 AA batteries but I can honestly say we've had the same batteries in there for a year and it's still going strong.
The train is in 3 pieces so your little one can decide where the passengers go, there's one carriage for the driver which triggers a button as you sit him in to make the train move and a spare carriage for passengers, I think it's just designed for one but my kids manage to get 2 on and we've had all kinds of animals and even santa and snowman from the other happyland ranges hitching a ride or driving the train. We also have the happyland bus so we've got lots of spare people but most play figures fit in the holes because they're a good size.
The train makes cho cho noises and does it's horn as it makes it 's way round the track and when it gets back to the station it stops for about 8 seconds to allow the kids to swap passengers before setting off again.

 

As you can see the kids are getting bigger now, my son is 4 just after Christmas and my daughter is 6 but they both still love playing with this, play has become a bit more adventurous recently and we often have passengers jumping out halfway round the track and the sports car driver gets sat on the track to see how close he can leave it before the train comes!
If I had to make a criticism it would be that the track is a little tight at the car crossing but we've put it together and taken it apart hundreds of times and it's still rock solid, even when they don't get the track perfectly flat the train can cope with a little uneven surface, great if you're playing on carpet :)
This really was a great buy, it is quite expensive but it's so durable and they hold their value for selling on when they eventually outgrow it, I'm not sure when that will be!
At the time of writing Early Leaning Centre have them on offer for half price, so £25 instead of £50, a real bargain in my opinion :)
http://www.elc.co.uk/imaginative-play/happyland-country-train-set/118635.html

Disclaimer: All opinions expressed are my own, I was not asked to provide a review and did not receive anything for doing so.

Sibling rivalry

Have you ever noticed how facebook is full of photos of adoring brothers and sisters, holding hands, giving their baby sibling a kiss, playing nicely together or doing a fun craft together at the table?
For me this feels a bit like looking at a photo of a "real" unicorn or a UFO sighted somewhere, it's not something I've seen first hand so I'm inclined to believe it's all lies.
I've had my fair share of sibling clashes over the years and the relationships between my kids is a constant source of fascination to me.
It seems like Freya and Lucas are either thick as thieves together or they're literally trying to kill each other, I've always thought this was normal sibling behaviour but perhaps it's not?
With the older 4 I saw some seriously unattractive qualities coming through as they were growing up, one of the worst I think is the person who enjoys pissing someone else off. 2 of them were particularly guilty of winding up their younger sister because she would "go mental" eventually which was really funny, so they thought. Actually when she did snap they were scared of her but they figured 2 against 1 they'd come off better.
She did used to go mad, it was one of the first things I tried to explain to a professional was not normal about her. I think most of us would admit we've had an unreasonable reaction to something at one point but this was every time someone so much as said something to her or even looked at her.
I remember one time catching her wrapping the hoover wire round one of their necks and just thinking "oh my god?!" I spent years explaining to her that her reactions weren't equal to what had happened and she couldn't behave that way but it didn't help and neither did explaining to the other 2 that they shouldn't wind her up and that it wasn't funny.
My eldest always tried to bond with the next one down but they were so different it just upset her watching her sister's behaviour and then later when she started to take her things it seemed like a betrayal of her loyalty and affection.
The second and third ones enjoyed getting up to mischief together and they made fun of the eldest for her good behaviour and success at school and tormented the younger one.
My forth one didn't really bond with anyone, she tried to play with the others but because she was so hot headed it always ended in tears.
It wasn't until I had Freya that I saw any sort of caring from any of them. They were 11, 12, 13 and 15 when I had Freya and they all adored her. When I had Lucas they were less impressed, it was a boy after all!
Everyone said how lovely it would be for Freya to have a play mate!
Freya being Freya much preferred the company of adults than other children and she refused to even make eye contact with Lucas until he was 6 months old. She would play with his toys but that was the only reason she went near him.
There was one occasion I'd nipped to the kitchen and he began screaming and I came in to find her trying to shove his dummy down his throat, the roof of his mouth was all cut and I felt so horribly guilty. I will never know what her intentions were, maybe she was just trying to put it back in but it was the point we realised she couldn't be left alone with him ever.
He's a pretty beefy boy and much stronger than her now but I still worry about them playing together because she can be so rough and doesn't think before doing things. I've caught her trapping him in a quilt and sitting on his head and even trying to hold his head under the water in the bath :( needless to say they do not share a room. I obviously wasn't paranoid because there was talk about social services putting an alarm in her room so we'd know if she left the room or entered his room.
I don't think she means to hurt people she just doesn't seem to understand that other people feel pain or that she can hurt them. She gets so over excited and doesn't think and she is quite strong for her size.
Her sisters are not as keen on her as they used to be, they get fed up of being climbed all over and her not listening when she's told to stop jumping on them. It's a shame really.
The older girls relationships have pretty much stayed the same, the middle 2 still get on well and share an interest in getting into trouble, the oldest one is a bit distanced from all of them because they are such different people and the younger one ended up moving in with her dad where she does much better as an only child, she gets on ok with the third one now due to some shared interests but it's not an overly close bond.
If this is the way of things I expect Freya and Lucas will always have a love/hate relationship, it will be ok for him to bully her but I don't think he'll let anyone else get away with it!
They are both quite controlling and that leads to the rifts between them and where as she used to get away with it, now he's got bigger he just uses his weight against her and she comes off worst.

What ever happened to customer service?!

Tuesday is Mike and my date day, well morning really, we try and put all other things aside to just do something together, sometimes we catch a film, or dinner, or just go to the garden centre together without kids in tow, it's our little piece of sanctuary.
This week I thought it would be nice to have a look around the shops at all the Christmas stuff. Those who have read my other blogs will know I'm not a fan of shopping, well it's the other people really that are the problem :) that said I'm a huge fan of Christmas, as my birthday is on the 22nd December there's not much else to look forward to all year. When I was growing up mum would never let us have the Christmas tree up until after my birthday, so since I've had my own house I put it up as early as possible, just because I can :)
Anyway, off we headed to Bedford, we are also currently looking for Mike's new mobility car so he stopped off at a car dealer on the way. We have looked at about 6 already now and the difference in customer service is quite gobsmacking. I don't like to be harassed and if they jump on you the minute you set foot through the door that annoys me but when you've spent 10 or 15 minutes walking round a car, sitting in, opening the boot etc I expect some sort of a "would you like any help".
Obviously it depends who's working when you go in, we went to the Seat dealer twice and the first time the guy couldn't be bothered to get off his chair, maybe he felt the car sold itself? The next time we went in the guy was so over helpful and over selling the car he got on my nerves although he then went on to laugh at the prospect of getting a test drive in an automatic?! Mike can only drive an auto as he can't feel his left leg below the knee and we're not going to invest in a car for 3 years that we can't test drive, so that was a potential sale lost.
Some garages I think look at us and think we don't look like we can afford a new car so they don't bother coming to speak to us, more business lost.
BMW have by far been the best so far where customer service goes, very attentive without being pushy, follow up phone calls and lots of information on how it works on the mobility scheme, hence the only car we've test driven is the X1.
Don't get me wrong sometimes it's been a blessing that no one came to speak to us as we've taken one look and thought definitely not, so it saved us having to make polite enquires when we're not interested.
Anyway when we finally made it to the shops one of my must do shops was M&S, they do a Christmas range of oil diffusers and pot pourri that I've been buying for years. We browsed the gift section and found some lovely star wars bits which Lucas would love in his stocking, there were 2 stand alone shelves with star wars gifts on, one of which had a sign on that said 50% off star wars gifts. This was great and we picked out 2 things plus a little toy off the 3 for 2 shelf to go with my pot pourri bits. When we got to the till however the star wars bits went through at full price, I questioned this and took the lady on the till to show her the sign, she informed me it was only the toiletry gifts that were half price but she thought they should have gone through at 3 for 2 which they didn't either. I asked to speak to the manager as I really felt it was very misleading, it didn't say on the sign just toiletries and the shelves were sat together and what we'd picked were star wars gifts in the gift section after all. She was quite abrupt and told me again it was just the toiletries and they had separated the shelves to make that clear, (they were about 2 inches apart) she said they'd had previous complaints but didn't even apologise or say she'd get it changed, the toy from the 3 for 2 wasn't on 3 for 2 it turned out though she did offer to sell me 3 wind up robots for the price of 2, obviously I didn't want 3 wind up robots!
I really expected better from M&S, I think she should have honoured the half price, at the very least offered us some reduction but no, clearly our business was not that important and in the end we left all our items meaning they lost a £50 sale. I can't understand how companies can afford to lose anyone's business in the current retail climate and they don't seem to realise that poor customer service isn't a one visit loss, it puts you off returning to the store in future and of course you tell your friends and these days it's all shared on social media.
Perhaps I am more aware of it as I was trained in customer service for my job when I was 18, simple things like the customer is always right, smiling, being polite, answering the phone within 5 rings as the person in the queue can hear the phone ringing but the person on the phone can't see the queue and likely thinks you're ignoring them.
We had another varied experience in Beales where one lady went out of her way to check the café had the chicken dinner before I manoeuvred Mike through the shop and up in the lift but then the lady in the toy department glared at him when his wheelchair caught a box and it fell on the floor and then proceeded to follow us around as we clearly looked likely to shoplift something!
So many places we shop the staff are miserable as bloody sin, they don't even look at you! I find eye contact awkward but I manage to remind myself to do it when I'm at work and I smile. At a time when there are more people looking for jobs than there are jobs available, you'd think employers would choose more cheerful people for the job and the employees would be more grateful for their positions!

Diastasis Recti

So until 6 months ago I'd never heard of diastasis recti, it's a separation of the right and left side of your abdominal muscles which results in a sticky out belly due to your organs not being kept in place as the connective tissue between the muscles has become too thin. It can cause lower back pain and urine leaking, nice eh!
After reading as much as I could find on the internet about it, it seemed logical that I should have it after having 2 breech babies and especially as I was huge when I was pregnant with Lucas and his scans revealed he was lying in a hammock like position, probably due to my poor muscles after the previous 5 pregnancies. I had symphysis pubis when I was pregnant with Freya which was maybe the start of my problems or a result of them.
How did all this research come about you might ask? Well I'm blaming my mother, she was constantly telling me how disgusting my belly was and that there must be something wrong, so eventually I went to the doctors to ask what she thought. She sent me for a scan which showed nothing and she told me I had central obesity and to get my arse down the gym and work damn hard, (not in quite those words of course).
So I joined the gym and I worked hard, for 3 months solid I worked out 6 days a week doing body combat, body pump, running and lifting weights, heavy weights low repetitions. I started out at 34% body fat but to look at me you wouldn't have thought it was that high as it was all on my waist and I got down to 25%, I felt like I'd achieved something but my belly didn't look any better, in fact it was just now more obvious because I'd lost all fat everywhere else.
The problem with this as you might imagine is that when you're slim with a huge belly people naturally think you're pregnant. This came to a head at my old job when people were continually asking me when my baby was due and eventually I left as it was distressing me so much I would burst into tears on the shop floor.
I couldn't understand why it looked like it did, I'd lost the fat? This is when I stumbled upon diastasis recti on the internet, I read about it and found an online video showing you how to check if you had it. I checked and I did indeed have a massive gap, about 4 fingers width at the belly button.
I went back to see the doctor, she checked and confirmed the problem and said she'd refer me for physiotherapy but advised me that it didn't work for everyone, she didn't mention surgery but I knew that was an option from reading online.
I found an online programme designed specifically for the condition called mutu so I started on the programme. I learnt that my posture and breathing and wearing heels had all contributed to my core becoming weak, and I thought it was all those pregnancies! Men and babies can get this too apparently.
A few weeks in I noticed that I was leaking when doing body combat, something that hadn't happened before, I was also getting pain in my knees from all the squats and lunges. I read that it was advised to give up all other exercise which was really hard when I'd worked so hard for the last few months but eventually I gave up the gym in the interest of fixing my core. It turned out a lot of the exercises I had been doing were actually just making my muscles separate further :(
I hit a plateau with the programme though as you couldn't advance while still having a gap of more than 2 fingers which I did and I became bored and frustrated with doing the same exercises over and over.
I threw away all my heels though and vowed to only wear zero drop heel shoes form here on, (I never enjoyed wearing heels anyway and my husband is shorter than me already!).
After a while I got my physio referral and after my first appointment realised I hadn't even been engaging my muscles correctly, I seemed to have lost the link between my brain and my transverse abdominus muscle.
I did the most simple exercise for 2 weeks and eventually I started to be able to distinguish between pulling in at the belly button, (a big no no apparently) pulling the top tummy muscles in and engaging the tva below the belly button. As soon as I did, I started to notice it firing when I was doing things like letting off the break while driving and when lifting things.
The next appointment saw me add a few more simple exercises and then a few more etc, by the end of my sessions my core felt quite strong, I could engage really strongly and there was no doming when doing the exercises, (something that happens when say doing some pilates moves where you lift your head and push your legs away from you and means your organs are pushing up through your tummy, yuk!) BUT there had been no improvement in either the appearance of my belly or the width of the gap between my muscles :(
It's all very disheartening after all the work I've put in, I have found another online programme called restore your core which is very well rated but I'm reluctant to pay out for it in case it doesn't help either.
What baffles me the most is that when I pull my belly in (which you're not meant to do as it makes your muscles over reactive as I understand, I'd spent years trying to hold it in, also making it worse) my stomach is pretty much flat. I'm pretty sure you can't pull fat in but if it was bloating could I pull it in? or does this just prove that it's just that the muscle has become so stretched it's become like an overused elastic band and can't go back to it's former shape? Does that mean that surgery will be the only option for me?
Lots of women in the US have had the surgery and claimed it on their insurance, others have said it isn't included. I've been told some women have had it done here on the NHS but they've cut a vertical line down their tummy to sew it back together??!! I can't afford a tummy tuck but neither would I want to go through that kind of major surgery just to be left with another massive scar (I've had 2 c-sections) and a lot of flabby skin. Does it all really matter? I'm healthy, my husband loves me whatever shape I am, in fact he always liked me pregnant best?! Well in a word, yes, it matters to me, I hate what I see in the mirror, I hate that my knickers are bigger than bridget jones's and if I don't wear a pair that render me unable to breathe I get asked if I'm pregnant on an almost daily basis. I love my kids and I wouldn't swap them to have a flat belly back but I don't want to look like this until the day I die.

This is a link to the core programme I've been doing to fix my core function

https://laurenohayon.com/?rxf=60  Affiliate Link you can also get a $10 discount by adding my code af1060 at checkout

Eating habits

This may seem like a fairly boring photo, but in fact it's very special to us.

 

For a long time now Lucas has had issues around eating, we first noticed it when we went to America when he was 2. It was the first time we had eaten out of the house and he seemed genuinely                  distressed by the idea. We already knew that he needed to know things before they happened so we showed him the menus, let him point to what he wanted and hoped he'd be ok, he wasn't.

And so began the food throwing, whatever we presented him with was swiped off the table within seconds. We still talk about the time the top of Mike's burger bun was also assaulted and catapulted across the table, we couldn't find it and wonder if it was ever found :)                                              

As I remember he was already smearing his food before then .                                                            

Things have stayed similar at home ever since, he seems to get on better eating the messy foods, I can only assume the enjoyment he gets from the smearing distracts form not wanting to sit at the table for whatever reason. Tomato soup with bread is his favourite, he can make a horrendous mess.

We find if we do eat out and it's not something you can eat with your hands he just can't cope and disappears under the table, sometimes he will still do it with a burger and he eats it under there!

Most evenings at home he just doesn't eat, so we were delighted when we went out last night and he wolfed down his main course of penne pasta, at the table, admittedly with his hands but still, small victories and all that. He did disappear under the table at one point as the desert was taking a long time to turn up but he then came back up and ate all his fruit from his chocolate fondue. He didn't touch the chocolate sauce which I was quite grateful for.                                                                 

There was a play area in the restaurant and I wonder if this helped as in between courses he could disappear in there with daddy and his mind was occupied.                                                             

Whatever the reason it was lovely to see and made for a fairly stress free meal which is a rarity in our house :)                                                                                                                                                

 

Sol Pelicanos/Ocas review

So, this is the hotel they film the series "Benidorm" at, don't let that put you off :) I've only watched one episode to check out the hotel, in all honesty I'm a total sucker for a nice looking pool and that's why I chose it.

We've just returned from a weeks stay here. We were in the ocas building in an adapted room as my husband needs his wheelchair some days. The only down side we found for this is the step up to the lift from the pavement entrance but we managed. There is the alternative slope all the way down the side which is ok for going down but he's a bit heavy to push back up lol!
The room was lovely and clean and spacious, we were glad of no balcony as we have 2 autistic children and didn't want the worry of them climbing and falling. There was some noise at night with people coming in late and early in the morning when the staff started as we were at the end of the corridor by the staff stairway but to be honest it was only me that heard it, I'm not the best sleeper, it certainly wasn't rowdy noise.
We found all the staff friendly and polite and all spoke enough English to get by, special mentions go to Laura on reception who was so smiley whenever we saw her and had excellent English and Alejandro in the ocas dining room who always engaged with the children, he was my daughters favourite :) The kids club staff were also very happy, friendly and lively! It was the first time the kids had been to a holiday club and I have no doubt Lucas wouldn't have gone without Freya but if you're worried you can sit within ear or eye shot of the activities. We only used it twice and wish we'd put them in more, it was so lovely to spend a couple of hours lying back under a palm tree with a cold drink knowing the kids were having a great time.
I did struggle a bit with the food as it's 90% fish and I don't eat fish, there was a lot of choice and I am a fussy eater, I would say there was about 5 fish or seafood dishes on offer every evening, some sort of veg, there was always pizza and pasta and soup. I thought I'd discovered I like tiramisu but it turns out I only like the sol hotel tiramisu, the ones we sell here are horrid lol. I always found something to have but was bored of lunch and dinner after 4 days and we ate out at the nearby resteraunt chino (Chinese) which was lovely and very cheap.

Breakfast was amazing, so much choice and lovely. Total continental and cooked choices. My only complaint was that they served chips for breakfast which Freya insisted on having every day and we didn't want to upset her on the holiday and were having enough trouble trying to get Lucas to behave long enough to eat anything. They loved the freedom of going up and getting their own food and it actually allowed them to try new things as it didn't matter if they left it, they could just get something else.

I wasn't overly impressed with what was on offer from the pool bar, mainly chips and dry cakes. There was a separate menu for gold inclusive guests which looked a bit nicer but the normal all inclusive guests had to pay for these. No complaints about the drinks except I wanted to order for the whole family as obviously my husband struggles to carry things but was only allowed 2 drinks so he had to go back to get the 2 kids drinks.
The hotel is so well located, 5 mins walk to the beach which is fine, no need to trek to the ponientes beach, there were lots of fish to look at in the sea on the nearest beach and none on the other one. We did venture to the old town but it was so busy we had trouble enjoying it and ended up spending £20 on a paella that wasn't even very nice. We got a taxi back for the ponientes beach no problem, there is a toilet just off the beach but it is a bit smelly and doesn't include toilet roll.

There are shops and restaurants galore round the hotel.

There's a cash machine right outside the hotel and taxis sit there all day. We went to mundomar for $8 each way. I recommend roundtowntravel for excursions, we went to Guadalest and Valencia and they were both amazing.

Big bonus point for me, I found a washing machine and dryer in the ladies toilets in the Ocas building :) heaven! you always think you've taken enough clothes but with little people they always get filthy after about an hour! I even did a wash before we left to cut down on what I'd have to do when we got home. A wash was $3.50 and $2 for a dry which did the job in one go, not like the ones we get over here!
There's a big choice of pools at the hotel but be warned they're not heated in October and the kids were shivering after 10 minutes. We always found somewhere to sit although the shallow bit where most of the kids hang is always busy.

All in all we had a wonderful holiday, it was our first time in Spain, don't believe all the bad things you hear, we didn't see any of it. See the old towns, they're so worth it. I was very happy with the hotel and am already looking to book at the Sol hotel in Torremolinos for next October.

 

Disclaimer: All opinions expressed are my own, I was not asked to provide a review and did not receive anything for doing so.

 

 

Another day, another challenge

Today has not been a whole lot better than yesterday, Lucas has been at home all day and has been challenging to say the least.
We managed to escape Ikea without buying any more pandas despite his best efforts but then ended up spending about an hour in Asda looking at toys he needed while the meatballs defrosted in the car.
On the way home he managed to chew through the material of his new coat so the zip fastening came out the top and can't be mended :/ it was the most horrible sucking sound that was setting my teeth on edge so I sat with my hands over my ears all the way home being thankful I wasn't driving.
I've been trying to make an appointment at the doctors for Freya for 3 days now, it's just something itchy on her foot but it's driving her nuts and the chemist won't give me anything without her seeing the doctor first *sigh
We stopped off to get the damn hoppers on the way home from Ikea, Lucas got very over excited by all the Christmas decorations and proceeded to roll about on the floor in the café and pull the chair cushions off before starting to squeal loudly, so we left before I'd finished my hot chocolate.
Chloe came home and is acting like nothing happened, just to piss me off a bit more she's dyed her hair some cross between white and purple, making her a bit more employable *smacking my head against the wall
Teatime was the usual joy of Lucas having a paddy and not eating anything then I found him under the table with the block of cheddar.
I wonder if they have any idea how draining they all are. Roll on bedtime.

Feeling overwhelmed

I feel really sad this morning, the kind of hopeless confusion that comes over me more often than I clean my bathroom and leads my husband to say " oh you're feeling sorry for yourself today"

I don't think I feel sorry for myself, I just have so many thoughts I can't do anything with and that's nothing new but where as I usually get agitated and snappy, today I feel like I've taken one too many of my meds and now I'm just trying to get through the day from a sedated view point.

My main grievance today is my 18 year old, a series of events yesterday caused me to snap and tell her to move out, I don't feel that this in itself was unreasonable but it's the knock on effect of losing it that's harder to justify.

Freya was getting ready for rainbows at the same time I was trying to have it out with the older one and was moaning on about whether she would get Olivia doll to take home today, she's been going about 8 months now I think and her name has yet to be picked to take it home. So my response to this interruption to my argument with her sister? "Freya, I think you should just accept you're never going to get Olivia doll to bring home, wouldn't that be better than just setting yourself up for a disappointment every week?" :(
She just looked at me with sad little eyes and nodded.
Now of course by the end of rainbows she told me that while she hadn't got Olivia again today, her name was definitely in the tin and she would get it at some point! So she's probably not scarred for life but I was left thinking what an awful parent I am and what sort of an example was I giving her for later life in that statement.

The whole day had been fairly stressful, I'd said I'd go into work 7-11am to help out on another section which had meant leaving the children in bed asleep while Mike drove me in. (with Chloe in the house obviously) he was stressing all the way that Lucas would wake up and cry for him and Chloe wouldn't go in and sort him out etc etc so I was feeling guilty for agreeing to go into work.
Work by comparison was the easy 4 hours of the day it turned out.

I had to walk home which I've never done before and I was stressed I wouldn't be back in time for Lucas coming out of nursery at 12, actually I did it in 40mins and was quite pleased with myself thinking that will help knock a bit of fat off my gut! (who am I kidding right?)
On getting to the school Mike turned up just as he was coming out and Lucas went straight to daddy and totally ignored me.
Lucas has been having a bad week since his friend was off school last week and seems to have reverted to his former fear of going to school but that's another story.

When we got home Chloe was coming out with her "friend" in normal clothes, she was due at work in the next hour. "Oh I've phoned in sick" she tells me, "I've got a headache and I feel sick, and I've got to go and buy some hoppers for my frogs because you wouldn't take me yesterday". We didn't take her because we were going down to Kent later in the day and didn't fancy a trip to Bedford and back as well, and because she started being really rude.
So, I'm already mad at this point as this is about the 7th time she hasn't gone into work and she had promised me she wasn't going to miss anymore but this is what she does when there's a more interesting offer on the table. I don't know why they haven't sacked her already and this just adds to her cockiness that they won't. I've have talked till I'm blue in the face about responsibilities and not letting people down, I have reminded her that she wants to go back to camp America next year and she needs to save for it herself this time and she has already booked herself in for a tattoo next month that she won't be able to have if she loses her job but none of this seems to be getting her to go into work!
So off she goes with her "friend"
She then texts me later to ask if I'm going to take her to get these hoppers when she gets back?!
Mike is already on his way back from Bedford and hasn't got them because of course she said she was going out to get them.
When I say no and explain all this she says "well I decided to go to Jump with my friend instead", this is a trampolining park, what we all do when we've got a headache and feel sick! Then she says she's been into work and booked today and tomorrow off?!
My head is a total mess by this point, you wouldn't phone in sick and then waltz into work and book some holiday would you? I don't know what is going on in her head and what's true and what she's lying about!
So by the time she got home I'd lost it and told her to find somewhere else to live, she looks at me all confused like why don't you love me? She doesn't seem to mind that it will be me who picks up all the pieces when she gets fired and have to pay for her smoking habit and her trips out to see friends. It's me that will have to deal with her when she hasn't taken her meds because she can't afford them and is in the mind set that she doesn't need them. It's me that now has to pay to keep this gecko and frogs that I didn't want in the house in the first place.
I know, my husband would say I'm making it all about me at this point, but I never understand that, I have to look after my own sanity first or I can't look after anyone else. Am I not allowed a point where enough is enough?

I then get a phone call from the friends mother who now fears she will have to house my daughter and proceeds to tell me how displeased she is that they are seeing each other again due to Chloe's manipulative personality, said in the nicest way possible of course. She tells me what an awful time her daughter has had over the last few years and how she won't tolerate Chloe ruining her future.
I want to tell her what happened with my older daughter when I tried to pull her in line and advise her against trying to control her daughters actions and relationships but who am I to give parenting advice!
She tells me she thinks I'm a good parent as Chloe is always polite and helpful when they see her, I know I'm seriously lacking in the emotional support I should be giving and maybe this is why all my kids except one are slightly off the rails. I try to remind myself that there's nothing I can do to change the past and I must soldier on with bringing the little 2 up better. The horrible statement I made to Freya flashes back into my mind and I can feel myself caving, I make my best effort to not cry on the phone and manage to hold it together until the kids are in bed.
Mike knows me too well and takes himself off to Tesco to get me some vodka to drown my sorrows in. I try to remind myself there was a time when I was drinking every night just to try to blur out the days, I must be doing better these days?
Fortunately we got watching a good programme and I didn't drink too much but I still feel lost this morning and like things will never get easier.

Mike wants to take me to watch the accountant today as he says it's like me before my meds (not the shooting people of course, I think he means the obsessive behaviour?!) but even that reminds me that I'm autistic without any talent, people are always saying that autistic people have difficulties but they always have a gift but that just isn't true :(

Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself after all :(