I have just got in from a trip to Tesco and am still in a complete state due to someone elses child screaming at high pitch non stop round the shop!
I see this is in discussion today on facebook about a mum with her child in John Lewis being asked to leave because her child was having a tantrum, and much is being said about how we should all be more tolerant and non judgmental of such events.
I feel more than qualified to comment on this subject as we had many occasions when Freya screamed her head off while we were out, usually while shopping, and while I don't feel we should have kept her locked up at home during this period I also think you've got to take some responsibility for your child's behaviour and need to consider the rest of the world in dealing with these things.
It can be very isolating having a child who behaves this way and yes people always have something to say about it be it verbally or the way they look at you and there is always judgement about your parenting, it's just human nature unfortunately, but we are in fact not isolated and I have always tried not to let my children's behaviour disturb other people, I just believe it's part of being a good neighbour and citizen to not annoy others.
I fully appreciate that children particularly those on the autistic spectrum can't always help their behaviour but if you know your child can't cope with shopping why would you take them?
Shopping really is very hard for some of us, I hate it still and some days I don't feel able to do it and so I don't, with so much available online these days it's fairly easy to avoid actual shopping.
There seems to be this lack of connection that autistic children grow into autistic adults and I can only assume we're meant to have been cured of our issues with shopping or anything else that bothers us as kids by then?
Well I can assure you nothing has changed, in fact I find it much more difficult now than I did when I was smaller and had someone else in control of taking me, I didn't need to make my own decisions on what to buy, put together meals, work out what I could afford, negotiate crammed isles with blaring lights and noisy beepers going off while often accompanied by 2 small people who also don't like shopping!
My brain is always a mess of thoughts and confusion and add to this the sensory nightmare of supermarket shopping and it goes without saying that I couldn't take the screaming child on top.
As an adult I'm expected to be in control of my autism and to just cope but in reality I really don't have much control over it all. My best option is to remove myself from the situation asap but in this case I had a basket of food and 2 little people running in different directions and by the time I got out I was not far from a meltdown myself. My head was screaming, my ears were killing, even navigating the way home seemed like too much to manage.
It's been nearly 2 hours since I got home and I'm still highly stressed despite taking extra medication as soon as I got in. I have to work this evening and am panicking I'm still going to be struggling by then :(
So I suppose my opinion on both screaming matters of the day is I don't think the woman in John Lewis should have been asked to leave but I do think she should have taken her child out on her own accord as with the woman in Tesco. I wasn't judging her parenting nor do I think either child was just being naughty but as parents we know our kids and we find ways to deal with these things even if that means we can't go shopping with them in tow.
For anyone reading who thinks that's easy for me to say as I had my husband to pick up the pieces when he got home, I was also a single parent for 7 years and juggled 4 small girls round town, two who also had screaming tantrums and I always took them home if they started and god knows I am far from the coping parent!
Tuesday 8 March 2016
Monday 7 March 2016
Autism and Pooh!
Now for those who might think this is a nice post about Winnie the pooh I'm sorry to disappoint you and you may wish to stop reading as I am indeed going to talk about actual human pooh!
I don't pretend to understand the connection between autistic children and pooh but there seems to be one never the less.
My son Lucas is now 3 and has been under observation for about 18 months now with a view to also having autism and at every appointment we are asked if he smears pooh, it seems to have become part of the diagnostic criteria at our clinic!
Each time we reply yes he's still smearing pooh given half a chance and I know it's something Freya did too as did one of my older girls. They tell me they just like the feel of it, the same as smearing other things but it's just so gross and really does make me feel that I'm raising animals rather than sweet little children.
We have recently toilet trained Lucas but for some reason he still likes to strip off at regular intervals throughout the day and squat and wee on the floor and often to do a pooh too. If you're very attentive you can sometimes catch him but more often than not you catch him with no pants on and then have to go on a search of the pooh.
I know he's never liked poohing on the toilet for whatever reason but he really seems to delight in doing it on the floor :(
Things reached a disturbing level yesterday when he came running in pant-less and I couldn't find the pooh, I followed my nose and to my disbelief he had filled up one of my ugg boots with pooh and put his pants in the other one!
I was further astonished that my husband found this hilarious?!
I don't know how to stop this behaviour as he seems to just find it funny when I tell him off so I'm clinging on to the hope that he will grow out of it :/
I don't pretend to understand the connection between autistic children and pooh but there seems to be one never the less.
My son Lucas is now 3 and has been under observation for about 18 months now with a view to also having autism and at every appointment we are asked if he smears pooh, it seems to have become part of the diagnostic criteria at our clinic!
Each time we reply yes he's still smearing pooh given half a chance and I know it's something Freya did too as did one of my older girls. They tell me they just like the feel of it, the same as smearing other things but it's just so gross and really does make me feel that I'm raising animals rather than sweet little children.
We have recently toilet trained Lucas but for some reason he still likes to strip off at regular intervals throughout the day and squat and wee on the floor and often to do a pooh too. If you're very attentive you can sometimes catch him but more often than not you catch him with no pants on and then have to go on a search of the pooh.
I know he's never liked poohing on the toilet for whatever reason but he really seems to delight in doing it on the floor :(
Things reached a disturbing level yesterday when he came running in pant-less and I couldn't find the pooh, I followed my nose and to my disbelief he had filled up one of my ugg boots with pooh and put his pants in the other one!
I was further astonished that my husband found this hilarious?!
I don't know how to stop this behaviour as he seems to just find it funny when I tell him off so I'm clinging on to the hope that he will grow out of it :/
Finding out your child has a personality disorder
I've never posted much about my other children on here but I do have 5 others besides Freya and they all come with their own set of challenges, this week I found out my 17 year old has borderline personality disorder.
We've known for a while that something wasn't quite right with her but between teenagers hiding things as they do and my own oblivion to others problems I guess it's maybe no surprise that it's taken this long to get to this point.
After being referred to the camh crisis team last year she was seen by a psychiatrist who decided she had attachment disorder which we never felt fitted her at all and she refused to go back and see him again, she was then passed about various people before they just dropped her and all support stopped.
They seemed a little surprised when we had an incident with Freya ending up in hospital after getting hold of some medicines (which has led to months of them investigating me?!) that Chloe was still having issues, maybe they thought it was just a phase?
I was aware that her mood had been low and her self esteem wasn't great but I'd felt she had started exhibiting more and more signs of Aspergers and I insisted she was referred to my psychiatrist at the adult autism clinic.
She had an extensive assessment with 3 psychiatrists and they concluded that while she does display some symptoms which could be conceived as autism, the drivers for her behaviour are very different from those of someone with ASD, for example while I am often oblivious of or confused by my emotions Chloe is very in touch with hers and feels things much more than your average person.
I didn't know much about the condition but remembered watching a documentary on mental health on tv where a guy with personality disorder kept trying to commit suicide.
The drs seemed quite concerned that she get treatment asap for this reason, apparently they don't need something bad to happen to feel suicidal like most of us would
I think I'm still digesting it all really, I keep thinking back to when she was small to see if I missed something and I feel like I've neglected her in some way, she was largely a happy child and probably the one I worried least about as she always just got on with life.
We've had some difficult times with her for the last few years and I've really struggled to understand her behaviour even in terms of the "normal teenage things" and it has seemed like the only option was going to be to have her move out but I do feel now that I want to try and support her through her therapy and hope that we can both learn more about this condition and how I can help her feel more secure and able to ask for help when she needs it.
I would love to hear from anyone who has been through this either themselves or with their child, I feel a bit lost at sea at the moment :/
We've known for a while that something wasn't quite right with her but between teenagers hiding things as they do and my own oblivion to others problems I guess it's maybe no surprise that it's taken this long to get to this point.
After being referred to the camh crisis team last year she was seen by a psychiatrist who decided she had attachment disorder which we never felt fitted her at all and she refused to go back and see him again, she was then passed about various people before they just dropped her and all support stopped.
They seemed a little surprised when we had an incident with Freya ending up in hospital after getting hold of some medicines (which has led to months of them investigating me?!) that Chloe was still having issues, maybe they thought it was just a phase?
I was aware that her mood had been low and her self esteem wasn't great but I'd felt she had started exhibiting more and more signs of Aspergers and I insisted she was referred to my psychiatrist at the adult autism clinic.
She had an extensive assessment with 3 psychiatrists and they concluded that while she does display some symptoms which could be conceived as autism, the drivers for her behaviour are very different from those of someone with ASD, for example while I am often oblivious of or confused by my emotions Chloe is very in touch with hers and feels things much more than your average person.
I didn't know much about the condition but remembered watching a documentary on mental health on tv where a guy with personality disorder kept trying to commit suicide.
The drs seemed quite concerned that she get treatment asap for this reason, apparently they don't need something bad to happen to feel suicidal like most of us would
I think I'm still digesting it all really, I keep thinking back to when she was small to see if I missed something and I feel like I've neglected her in some way, she was largely a happy child and probably the one I worried least about as she always just got on with life.
We've had some difficult times with her for the last few years and I've really struggled to understand her behaviour even in terms of the "normal teenage things" and it has seemed like the only option was going to be to have her move out but I do feel now that I want to try and support her through her therapy and hope that we can both learn more about this condition and how I can help her feel more secure and able to ask for help when she needs it.
I would love to hear from anyone who has been through this either themselves or with their child, I feel a bit lost at sea at the moment :/
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