I was so proud of Freya last night and wanted to share to show how's she's growing and changing :)
I decided to pop to the post office straight from school to post a parcel for my husband.
Freya came out of school noticeably excitable, jumping and waving her arms about and being very noisy, this continued up the road and as we were nearing the post office door she managed to twist her ankle with jumping about and was screaming and crying. After comforting her (which is always a challenge for me as I always feel if she hadn't been messing about it wouldn't have happened and I can't stand her flinging herself all over me dribbling and screaming) she managed to hobble into the post office.
There was a queue as usual and I was trying hard myself not to get stressed about what might occur while we were waiting. Freya was babbling about them not doing the right sweets in here so I sent her off to choose something that wasn't a kinder egg and not too big. (It's just my personal opinion that kinder eggs are stupidly expensive for a tiny amount of chocolate and a rubbish toy that they're likely to break or choke on)
She came back with a little packet of chewy sweets and did her big hopeful eye thing while asking if they were ok. I said yes and told her she'd have to wait until we'd paid to open them.
There were still 3 people in front of us and she was getting restless again so I tried to distract her with getting her to try and read the cards. This worked to a degree but she can be a bit rough and I was worried she would bend the cards, I was also stressing about how loud she was being as we now had about 5 people behind us in the queue as well.
We talked about the get well cards and she asked to get one for grandma who has been feeling poorly, I explained I didn't have many pennies today but she could make one and grandma would probably like that more. She replied "what if we sneak one out without paying and take it home and copy it then bring it back? Would that be ok?" I now felt very awkward that I had to explain no that was still stealing and not ok with an audience of listeners close by and she went on to ask what would happen and if a policeman would take her away for pushing someone at school and what if it was an accident etc :/
By the time it was our turn I was feeling slightly frazzled and Freya was bouncing up and down on the counter jabbering away to the lady who was trying to serve me. We had to go to the other counter to pay so she excitedly put her sweets up to be beeped. I had only got £3 left in the bank so needed to pay on my card and it was then that the lady informed me the card machine wasn't working! I had absolutely no change in my purse and had to tell Freya that after holding the chewy sweets for about 15 minutes and waiting so patiently that she now had to leave them there :(
I was fully aware how hard she was going to take this and despite the opinion that we can't understand others feelings I often feel them too much and can't cope and end up in a worse state myself.
Her little face went bright red, her eyes welled to breaking point with tears, she fixed her eyes on mine and squeezed my hand and said "that's funny mummy isn't it?" "it's funny isn't it?" "isn't it mummy?" I could see her breathing faltering as she repeated it over and over. Clearly she didn't think it was funny and she was trying so hard to pretend it was ok I could have burst into tears myself.
The lady apologised but I was too busy trying to plan what was best to say I think I ignored her, I didn't want to over sympathise and make her cry nor did I want to brush off how she was feeling like it wasn't important. I squeezed her hand tight and said "no it's not funny Freya but we can go to another shop and get you the same sweets" before departing quickly from the shop.
Once outside we walked quickly and I told her she was a very good girl and asked what she'd like to get from the other shop. The post office don't do lollies which are her favourite and the other shop does so I was hoping she would have that to look forward to on the walk.
By the time we got to the other shop she was ok and chose herself another packet of chewy sweets in the end, not exactly the same and one she hadn't had before so that was another achievement and she munched them all the way home.
Disappointments are hard for any child but much harder for a child with autism to understand and she could so easily have had a meltdown about that lack of understanding and the overwhelming of her emotions but she didn't, she tried to control how she felt by repeating something over and over (she does this a lot, I'm not sure why, maybe to help her process it or to drown out something sensory as it's often when we're out and about) and she managed to calm herself. I was so proud of her I could have smothered her in kisses and I even remembered to tell her :)
