So I didn't do well with keeping up to date with the blog :/ there are a million excuses but none of them particularly good!
I started reading "I have Aspergers" by Erin Clemens and it inspired me to take the blogging back up
Life with Freya has never been dull, I am still trying to see that as a positive, however, my husband has become increasingly bogged down with the children's behaviours in the last 6 months or so and he has expressed the opinion that we need to try to have Freya put on medication in order to retain any kind of control over her behaviour :(
For what it's worth I hate taking my own medication as I have said before as I feel I am sedating myself to make myself more manageable for others at the expense of being myself and I'm often left feeling I'm just sort of dreaming my way through the days. Therefore I don't think that sedating a nearly 5 year old should even be an option just because we can't find a way to manage her.
I am not saying we are bad parents, on the contrary we have been to so many courses to help us understand her needs and make so many adjustments and concessions for her already but we are starting to notice that the things that were working before just aren't effective anymore.
We had been noticing for a while that while other kids came out of school tired and slightly more likely to sit down with their tea and favourite tv programme when they got home that Freya was in fact still "bouncing" at the end of school. I understand that due to her sensory needs she is very happy at school, she thrives on all that busy interaction you get at nursery and the routine is further reassuring for her. Home is by comparison fairly boring and due to mummy's sensory needs she is asked not to bounce on the furniture and to refrain from screaming at the top of her voice.
Given that she NEEDS to do these things school does pose some restrictions on her being herself so this further adds to her release of that inner ferret when she gets home.
I can fully see that from the outside this may look like bad parenting skills and a lack of provision at home for her to express her sensory needs but I can't seem to get the professionals to see that she is so affected by her senses that she is a totally different child at home than school through no fault of ours. If her teachers came to the house and tried to manage her they would eventually have the same problems as us as it's the school environment that helps keep her calm and focused and I just can't recreate that at home, nor would I wish too for my own sake!
This poses the recent problem that the pediatrician wants to diagnose her with adhd but to do this they need to see this in her behaviour at school as well as at home. Our experience so far tells us they don't struggle with her other than the occasional getting a bit too silly as they put it.
I don't know if this will change this term as she goes into full time reception where she will be expected to sit for longer periods concentrating and it will not be acceptable to shout out of turn or not sit still. I do feel the differences may become more apparent and while this will help us it's not going to be easy for Freya.
I forgot to say at her appointment last week the pediatrician thought it a splendid idea to medicate her and even let us know that while they don't usually medicate until age 6 she may be able to get a small dose until then?! I let her know that I thought it should be my husband who was medicated since he finds living with us all so difficult!
There used to be a definite pattern of hyper activity after tea and it didn't seem to matter how much she'd been stimulated before that point. Now we are seeing this type of off the wall behaviour from when she gets up some days and within a few hours we are both pulling our hair out.
If you imagine being sat on the sofa and next to you is a wild squirming child throwing her legs up the back of the chair, climbing on the back of the chair, flailing her legs out and in repeatedly and jumping her bum off the seat meanwhile kicking you nearly every time while either shouting or singing full volume a repetitive something then beginning to pounce on your body with all her weight while shoving her face within an inch of yours grinning madly you get a small idea what life with Freya might be like. If you're standing then she's probably attached herself to one of your legs so you can only move by dragging her along or is madly jumping up at you talking non stop.
The talking is a big problem and a huge issue in our marriage. It is impossible to talk to each other at any point while Freya is up, she can't go more than 6 seconds without speaking, yes we timed her, and if you try she just screams, talks louder or sings to a level that you can't hear yourself so we give up and the tension builds. The concept of waiting your turn to speak is just lost on her and yet I slightly understand as I know I butt in when people are talking as I'm worried I might forget what I was going to say.
There has been a resurgence of jumping on Lucas's back and pulling him around by his head which obviously you have to stop and just a general increase in not listening or responding to the 1-2-3
It is very frustrating when you are trying to explain to a highly intelligent child that she's hurting you or her brother or that she's doing something unsafe and all you get is her laughing in your face and carrying on the behaviour, often she churns it up a level at this point! I really am at my wits end what to do with her when she's like this, you used to be able to distract her onto something else but most of the time she's making such a racket she can't even hear you and it's like somethings come loose in her head temporarily and she no longer remembers how to communicate with you.
She is such a beautiful, happy little girl and it breaks my heart the thought of loosing the bond I have with her but I find myself being stretched beyond reason these days by her full on behaviour.
Does this sound familiar? I would love to know how other parents manage this type of behaviour as I know we are not alone. Has your child been helped by medication?
I feel quite sad at all this negative focus, I will post some photos of her happy smiley face on the next post
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