difficult days

I have to admit I'm having days where I feel too stressed to write a blog.
I also feel like I shouldn't write about when she's naughty as I feel like I'm being mean but then isn't that more helpful to others to know there are some days when I feel like I'm caught in a tornado and I would give anything to just shut myself away. I feel I should be grateful she's not got a serious disability and I am but I'm beginning to notice how many people think she doesn't look autistic or they say well she's not really really bad is she or my child's worse etc
I only knew one autistic child when my older girls were smaller and he didn't look any different than any other child either. My partners brother and sister are both autistic and more severely than freya and they don't look autistic either.
I find myself thinking what the hell does an autistic person look like anyway??? The only thing I notice is something in her eyes it's like a vacant expression.
I know I'm new to all this but I've always known there is a huge range on the autistic spectrum and no two people are the same.
Yes there are key things they look for but they don't ask do them all and they don't have to do everything on the list to be autistic.
One of my biggest annoyances is when people say oh she does eye contact she can't be autistic! I want to yell yes the specialist noticed that too but she still said she's autistic!
The fact is freya doesn't always give eye contact but as a rule she does with people she knows. What is weird looking back now is when she was small and I'd take her out in the buggy and people would talk to her she would always look at the floor and by about one she started covering her eyes when spoken to. I used to think it was funny then I thought maybe she's just unsociable!
About a month ago she had a change from being terrified of people to being a little over friendly, she has begun talking to almost anyone, well ladies anyway she's still scared of men for some reason, she even climbed on a lady that came to the house and tried to lie on her knee?! I've noticed she takes her things to them and tries talking about them but it's still done in a very nervous fashion, she looks like someone desperate to please a bully so they won't hurt them.
I've also noticed she gets very distressed about people who are out of place, for example we saw one of her teachers from nursery who she really took to from the first session in Morrison's and freya looked horrified she wouldn't look at the lady and kept pulling me to get away. She did the same with her sisters boyfriend who she leaps all over at home when we saw him outside school, she nervously shoved a painting she had made at him without looking at him.