This is the link to the next vlog on my surgery
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvdODqo9I24
Tuesday, 24 October 2017
Wednesday, 18 October 2017
Autism research
So yesterday I went to Cambridge University to take part in an autism research project looking at the experience of parenting for people with an autism diagnosis. It was broken down to focus on the following questions.
1. What are the positives of parenting?
I really struggled with this one, I find parenting so hard. For me the positives are having someone to love always and hopefully one or more of them will love you back forever.
2. What are the challenges of parenting?
How long have you got?! There are so many challenges for people with autism.
First and foremost you've got to put someone else first, that's really hard, it means putting yourself in their shoes to some extent to try and work out what they need.
There's a fair chance you'll get a kid on the spectrum so don't count on them being able to tell you what they need. Both having the same thing doesn't mean you'll understand all their struggles especially if they are the opposite to you with regards to sensory input.
It can be hard to focus on the task at hand, I often think about putting on tea then get distracted and then everyone is starving, I forget there's food on and it boils in, gets burnt etc I'm no better organised in the morning than them so if it wasn't for my husband we'd probably be late for school every day.
I can't support them emotionally, this is a big one for me, I probably wouldn't have had kids if I'd known this. There is no room in my brain for other peoples problems, I don't want to hear about so and so at school and after about 60 seconds of being talked at about any subject I've switched off and my mind is elsewhere. I have managed on the whole to find partners who do this really well and this has helped and allowed me to just get the practical stuff done, I'm hot on returning letters, checking for lice, getting teeth brushed, making sure they're not living on junk food etc and laundry, I think I live for laundry. I can't work out where to start with tidying up but I can have your clothes you took off at 8am returned to you washed and dry by lunchtime!
Having to meet other parents, school runs, after school clubs all involve being social and making small talk, the school run in particular really stresses me out, surrounded by loads of people talking, sometimes I try to join in and usually feel I've got it wrong and some days I just try to hide and hope no one will see me.
Noise, kids make a LOT of noise and when you can't stand noise that's a problem.
Kids are demanding, they want answers straight away which I often can't give them especially if there's lots of noise, I try to tell them I'm thinking about said request but they have little patience.
I'm tired, all the time, so just keeping up with them and on top of the tasks of running a house can be overwhelming.
3. How would you describe your approach to parenting?
I used to have a very regimented approach to parenting with the older 4 and now I am probably too laid back. There are some things I'm not prepared to compromise on, being rude and breaking things but I let a lot of their behaviours go because otherwise I would spend my whole life moaning at them.
It's nice if they do well at school but I'm not that bothered about it I would rather they were happy and had a more rounded education including exploring the natural world and travelling and an understanding of other cultures.
4. How would you describe your relationship with your child?
It was suggested the relationship with your child may be dependant on whether they have a diagnosis but that isn't true for me. I have a different relationship with all of them, some I'd say I had a good bond with, others I feel distanced from and some I just can't understand and that makes it hard to build a good relationship. I don't miss my children when I'm away from them which is something I've always felt guilty about so it was comforting to find I'm not alone in that. My children are all quite independent, perhaps because they've learnt they can't rely on me to help them although I am actually amazing at fighting their corner when they need me to. They don't seem to need me and rarely show me any affection.
5. Is there any support that would be useful for autistic parents?
My reply to this was leave us alone. As parents of children on the spectrum we are forced to attend courses to learn about autism so we can learn to change for our child because they cant, not very helpful when you're also autistic. We are forced on parenting courses as we seem clueless how to handle these small strong willed people, we are told we must rein in their behaviour so they don't disturb the outside world and we must help them to change so they can fit in with the "normal" kids.
My friend was telling me the other day that when her son was first diagnosed she went on a course with the national autistic society who said it was highly inappropriate to send parents of autistic children on parenting courses as it suggests it is a parenting failure which of course it is not.
Making us go to support groups to meet other autistic parents is not helpful, we don't like social situations and personally I find people like me quite irritating.
What would be useful is someone to do the things I can't, practical things like cleaning, shopping, playing pretend with the kids. That said I was once offered help from home start which did include those things but I found it to add even more stress having to worry about the state of the house and just knowing someone was coming to the house once a week was horrid.
It was quite an enjoyable experience in the end and I was glad I went.
1. What are the positives of parenting?
I really struggled with this one, I find parenting so hard. For me the positives are having someone to love always and hopefully one or more of them will love you back forever.
2. What are the challenges of parenting?
How long have you got?! There are so many challenges for people with autism.
First and foremost you've got to put someone else first, that's really hard, it means putting yourself in their shoes to some extent to try and work out what they need.
There's a fair chance you'll get a kid on the spectrum so don't count on them being able to tell you what they need. Both having the same thing doesn't mean you'll understand all their struggles especially if they are the opposite to you with regards to sensory input.
It can be hard to focus on the task at hand, I often think about putting on tea then get distracted and then everyone is starving, I forget there's food on and it boils in, gets burnt etc I'm no better organised in the morning than them so if it wasn't for my husband we'd probably be late for school every day.
I can't support them emotionally, this is a big one for me, I probably wouldn't have had kids if I'd known this. There is no room in my brain for other peoples problems, I don't want to hear about so and so at school and after about 60 seconds of being talked at about any subject I've switched off and my mind is elsewhere. I have managed on the whole to find partners who do this really well and this has helped and allowed me to just get the practical stuff done, I'm hot on returning letters, checking for lice, getting teeth brushed, making sure they're not living on junk food etc and laundry, I think I live for laundry. I can't work out where to start with tidying up but I can have your clothes you took off at 8am returned to you washed and dry by lunchtime!
Having to meet other parents, school runs, after school clubs all involve being social and making small talk, the school run in particular really stresses me out, surrounded by loads of people talking, sometimes I try to join in and usually feel I've got it wrong and some days I just try to hide and hope no one will see me.
Noise, kids make a LOT of noise and when you can't stand noise that's a problem.
Kids are demanding, they want answers straight away which I often can't give them especially if there's lots of noise, I try to tell them I'm thinking about said request but they have little patience.
I'm tired, all the time, so just keeping up with them and on top of the tasks of running a house can be overwhelming.
3. How would you describe your approach to parenting?
I used to have a very regimented approach to parenting with the older 4 and now I am probably too laid back. There are some things I'm not prepared to compromise on, being rude and breaking things but I let a lot of their behaviours go because otherwise I would spend my whole life moaning at them.
It's nice if they do well at school but I'm not that bothered about it I would rather they were happy and had a more rounded education including exploring the natural world and travelling and an understanding of other cultures.
4. How would you describe your relationship with your child?
It was suggested the relationship with your child may be dependant on whether they have a diagnosis but that isn't true for me. I have a different relationship with all of them, some I'd say I had a good bond with, others I feel distanced from and some I just can't understand and that makes it hard to build a good relationship. I don't miss my children when I'm away from them which is something I've always felt guilty about so it was comforting to find I'm not alone in that. My children are all quite independent, perhaps because they've learnt they can't rely on me to help them although I am actually amazing at fighting their corner when they need me to. They don't seem to need me and rarely show me any affection.
5. Is there any support that would be useful for autistic parents?
My reply to this was leave us alone. As parents of children on the spectrum we are forced to attend courses to learn about autism so we can learn to change for our child because they cant, not very helpful when you're also autistic. We are forced on parenting courses as we seem clueless how to handle these small strong willed people, we are told we must rein in their behaviour so they don't disturb the outside world and we must help them to change so they can fit in with the "normal" kids.
My friend was telling me the other day that when her son was first diagnosed she went on a course with the national autistic society who said it was highly inappropriate to send parents of autistic children on parenting courses as it suggests it is a parenting failure which of course it is not.
Making us go to support groups to meet other autistic parents is not helpful, we don't like social situations and personally I find people like me quite irritating.
What would be useful is someone to do the things I can't, practical things like cleaning, shopping, playing pretend with the kids. That said I was once offered help from home start which did include those things but I found it to add even more stress having to worry about the state of the house and just knowing someone was coming to the house once a week was horrid.
It was quite an enjoyable experience in the end and I was glad I went.
Pre op vlog
This is the link to my first video logging my tummy tuck journey
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZMbRM5m384
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZMbRM5m384
Thursday, 5 October 2017
Tummy Tuck!
Those that have read my post on diastasis recti will know how we've come to this point, if not then I have basically got a massive belly left on my otherwise slim frame which leads to me being asked if I'm pregnant on a fairly frequent basis. I have come to hate what I see in the mirror, nothing I wear can hide it and I avoid leaving the house unless necessary so I don't have to suffer the embarrassment and questions of looking like I do.
My youngest child is 5 at Christmas, I've tried all the advice to lose my belly but even the programmes specifically designed for diastasis recti have not helped either close the gap or the appearance of my tummy.
So when I decided to breed our ragdoll cat I decided there and then that I would use the money for a tummy tuck. Unfortunately she'd need to have 3 litters before I could have it done in the uk so I made the decision to look at having it done abroad.
The first company I contacted told me they only accepted cash?! They then refused to do it when they learned I have autism? The reasoning was that some people with ASD are anatomically different from normal people and the surgeon was worried about how safe it would be to intubate me?! I think this was nonsense I have had plenty of operations and no one has ever suggested such a thing to me before. I think it's more likely that when I listed my medication which includes risperidone they just decided I must be a psycho and didn't want to know. I think it may have been a blessing in disguise really.
I then found another company that seemed a bit more legitimate, they have been used by the tv for makeover programmes and I could find a few genuine reviews from people from the uk who'd used them so I booked my surgery date for 25th October 2017!
I managed to convince my sister to come with me as obviously my husband will need to look after the children and I should be really excited about it.
Instead I find I am absolutely terrified, I am genuinely terrified I'm going to die. I have read all the stories of women who went into cardiac arrest during the operation or died of blood clots or infection a week or so after the operation. I have also googled the thousands of operations that go smoothly but this is giving me little comfort.
Why would I think I would die you might wonder? Well I feel like I'm a fairly unlucky person, if something bad is going to happen it's probably going to happen to me. I have an inability to imagine myself growing old or seeing my youngest 2 grown up so therefore I convince myself it must be because it isn't going to happen. With all the recent terrorist attacks I've become terrified to go anywhere because I can visualise being caught up in an attack and dying. I also have had varicose veins removed from my legs twice and have a large lump behind one knee so I feel I'm a good case for a blood clot. I've had a fair amount of surgery and wonder if this will just be pushing my luck too far?
There's also the overwhelming guilt, what would life be like for my little 2 if I didn't come home? Freya would have no parents, my husband would really struggle to look after them both on his own, would he give her up? And all this because I despise my body?
I have had to come off my medication because they can react with anaesthetic which no doubt isn't helping my mood but I don't know how to get through the next few weeks without being either depressed or in a total panic. Everyone I speak to about it thinks I am being totally ridiculous.
I have told mike where the Halloween and Christmas stuff is and am considering writing the kids letters in case I don't come home.
I've considered cancelling the operation but the thought of spending the rest of my life looking like I'm 7 months pregnant is as bad as the thought of dying.
Just to add to my stress Ryanair have decided to cancel loads of flights after I'd just booked with them so I'm hoping mine won't get cancelled too nearer the time as you can't take out any travel insurance when you're going abroad for surgery!
I am hoping to do some videos of my journey to help anyone else who may be considering this surgery or clinic as there isn't much out there at the moment. Wish me luck!
My youngest child is 5 at Christmas, I've tried all the advice to lose my belly but even the programmes specifically designed for diastasis recti have not helped either close the gap or the appearance of my tummy.
So when I decided to breed our ragdoll cat I decided there and then that I would use the money for a tummy tuck. Unfortunately she'd need to have 3 litters before I could have it done in the uk so I made the decision to look at having it done abroad.
The first company I contacted told me they only accepted cash?! They then refused to do it when they learned I have autism? The reasoning was that some people with ASD are anatomically different from normal people and the surgeon was worried about how safe it would be to intubate me?! I think this was nonsense I have had plenty of operations and no one has ever suggested such a thing to me before. I think it's more likely that when I listed my medication which includes risperidone they just decided I must be a psycho and didn't want to know. I think it may have been a blessing in disguise really.
I then found another company that seemed a bit more legitimate, they have been used by the tv for makeover programmes and I could find a few genuine reviews from people from the uk who'd used them so I booked my surgery date for 25th October 2017!
I managed to convince my sister to come with me as obviously my husband will need to look after the children and I should be really excited about it.
Instead I find I am absolutely terrified, I am genuinely terrified I'm going to die. I have read all the stories of women who went into cardiac arrest during the operation or died of blood clots or infection a week or so after the operation. I have also googled the thousands of operations that go smoothly but this is giving me little comfort.
Why would I think I would die you might wonder? Well I feel like I'm a fairly unlucky person, if something bad is going to happen it's probably going to happen to me. I have an inability to imagine myself growing old or seeing my youngest 2 grown up so therefore I convince myself it must be because it isn't going to happen. With all the recent terrorist attacks I've become terrified to go anywhere because I can visualise being caught up in an attack and dying. I also have had varicose veins removed from my legs twice and have a large lump behind one knee so I feel I'm a good case for a blood clot. I've had a fair amount of surgery and wonder if this will just be pushing my luck too far?
There's also the overwhelming guilt, what would life be like for my little 2 if I didn't come home? Freya would have no parents, my husband would really struggle to look after them both on his own, would he give her up? And all this because I despise my body?
I have had to come off my medication because they can react with anaesthetic which no doubt isn't helping my mood but I don't know how to get through the next few weeks without being either depressed or in a total panic. Everyone I speak to about it thinks I am being totally ridiculous.
I have told mike where the Halloween and Christmas stuff is and am considering writing the kids letters in case I don't come home.
I've considered cancelling the operation but the thought of spending the rest of my life looking like I'm 7 months pregnant is as bad as the thought of dying.
Just to add to my stress Ryanair have decided to cancel loads of flights after I'd just booked with them so I'm hoping mine won't get cancelled too nearer the time as you can't take out any travel insurance when you're going abroad for surgery!
I am hoping to do some videos of my journey to help anyone else who may be considering this surgery or clinic as there isn't much out there at the moment. Wish me luck!
Saturday, 5 August 2017
Daisy, therapy cats vs dogs
There's a fair amount of documentation around about the benefits of a dog for children with autism.
We attended the dogs for good workshops a few years ago with a view to getting a dog to help calm Freya down, we learned how they could be trained to help with meltdowns, getting out of the house, road safety etc etc
I was sold on the idea despite never having owned a dog, (we'd had one when I was a child for about a week before it was rehomed) I spent months researching the best dog for us and decided it would be a Bernese Mountain dog. Why?! you may wonder, they're huge! Yes but gentle giants renowned for their patience and love of children and most importantly for me they have a deep non offensive bark.
So off we went and spent about another year attending all the Bernese events up and down the country to make sure we were doing the right thing. I might add Freya was terrified of dogs and still is but I thought she'd get used to it.
Bernese dogs are fairly pricey to buy, about £1200-£2000 depending on the breeder, you'd think therefore not many people would be after one, you'd be wrong.
I finally met up with one of the best known and most reputable breeders who informed me I would not get one of her dogs, her reasons? the children were too small, I wouldn't have time to train it properly and as my husband was disabled we would not have the strength to control it. I was devastated. She suggested we get a retriever or labrador instead.
I have a friend with a retriever and she is still very hyper at nearly 2, I just didn't think they were a good fit for us.
I searched for a dog that would suit us and we ended up bringing home a cross between a newfoundland, collie and german shepherd, we named him max.
Lucas loved max, he loves all dogs and Freya was as expected terrified for a week or so but she did calm down a bit with him. It turned out it was me that the biggest issue with him.
At first he had come to me all the time, I was the one sat in back of the car with him on the journey home cleaning up his sick, but as the weeks went by and I got more stressed with him having accidents in the house and being the only one that would let him out at 5am, clean up his pooh from the garden or play with him etc he started to bond more with my husband who is generally much calmer than me. This annoyed me even more as I was the one running round after him.
I found it especially hard in the evening when I wanted to relax and he would stand in front of me yapping and jumping about, he started barking whenever the dogs next door barked and poking his head through the hedge to see them, on one occasion he was eating and lucas kept touching his bottom and he turned round and snapped at him, this was the final straw for me.
My husband said he was a good dog but he honestly really scared me and I was going crazy with all the stuff he was ruining and all the noise and dirt. We rehomed him after 4 weeks and he joined a family with 3 other dogs and no small children where he is very happy.
So it turns out dogs are not good for all people with autism and rather than add calm to your household they can just triple the stress.
I can't remember how I stumbled upon some information about ragdolls online but I started to read about them and decided to bring one home last summer.
When we went to view the kittens Daisy was the one that sat still for the kids to stroke her so she came home with us.
Ragdolls are renowned for their patient laid back natures, they love people and follow you around like a dog would just wanting to be where you are.
At first she was a little startled by how much noise the kids made and how fast they sped around the house but she soon became used to it. Within a month or so I noticed how much calmer Lucas was when she was in the room, he can be in the foulest mood in the morning and refuse to get out of bed but as soon as she comes into his room his mood just switches and he gets straight up to give her a stroke. She has been so patient with him carrying her around, wrapping her up in blankets, putting feathers and hats on her, she just lies there.
We currently have 5, 7 week old kittens and while we are having some issues with Lucas's behaviour with them the kittens are already demonstrating their wonderful temperaments.
I know lots of people have said their lives have been changed by having an assistance dog but for us our Daisy is a much better therapy cat.
We attended the dogs for good workshops a few years ago with a view to getting a dog to help calm Freya down, we learned how they could be trained to help with meltdowns, getting out of the house, road safety etc etc
I was sold on the idea despite never having owned a dog, (we'd had one when I was a child for about a week before it was rehomed) I spent months researching the best dog for us and decided it would be a Bernese Mountain dog. Why?! you may wonder, they're huge! Yes but gentle giants renowned for their patience and love of children and most importantly for me they have a deep non offensive bark.
So off we went and spent about another year attending all the Bernese events up and down the country to make sure we were doing the right thing. I might add Freya was terrified of dogs and still is but I thought she'd get used to it.
Bernese dogs are fairly pricey to buy, about £1200-£2000 depending on the breeder, you'd think therefore not many people would be after one, you'd be wrong.
I finally met up with one of the best known and most reputable breeders who informed me I would not get one of her dogs, her reasons? the children were too small, I wouldn't have time to train it properly and as my husband was disabled we would not have the strength to control it. I was devastated. She suggested we get a retriever or labrador instead.
I have a friend with a retriever and she is still very hyper at nearly 2, I just didn't think they were a good fit for us.
I searched for a dog that would suit us and we ended up bringing home a cross between a newfoundland, collie and german shepherd, we named him max.
Lucas loved max, he loves all dogs and Freya was as expected terrified for a week or so but she did calm down a bit with him. It turned out it was me that the biggest issue with him.
At first he had come to me all the time, I was the one sat in back of the car with him on the journey home cleaning up his sick, but as the weeks went by and I got more stressed with him having accidents in the house and being the only one that would let him out at 5am, clean up his pooh from the garden or play with him etc he started to bond more with my husband who is generally much calmer than me. This annoyed me even more as I was the one running round after him.
I found it especially hard in the evening when I wanted to relax and he would stand in front of me yapping and jumping about, he started barking whenever the dogs next door barked and poking his head through the hedge to see them, on one occasion he was eating and lucas kept touching his bottom and he turned round and snapped at him, this was the final straw for me.
My husband said he was a good dog but he honestly really scared me and I was going crazy with all the stuff he was ruining and all the noise and dirt. We rehomed him after 4 weeks and he joined a family with 3 other dogs and no small children where he is very happy.
So it turns out dogs are not good for all people with autism and rather than add calm to your household they can just triple the stress.
I can't remember how I stumbled upon some information about ragdolls online but I started to read about them and decided to bring one home last summer.
When we went to view the kittens Daisy was the one that sat still for the kids to stroke her so she came home with us.
Ragdolls are renowned for their patient laid back natures, they love people and follow you around like a dog would just wanting to be where you are.
At first she was a little startled by how much noise the kids made and how fast they sped around the house but she soon became used to it. Within a month or so I noticed how much calmer Lucas was when she was in the room, he can be in the foulest mood in the morning and refuse to get out of bed but as soon as she comes into his room his mood just switches and he gets straight up to give her a stroke. She has been so patient with him carrying her around, wrapping her up in blankets, putting feathers and hats on her, she just lies there.
We currently have 5, 7 week old kittens and while we are having some issues with Lucas's behaviour with them the kittens are already demonstrating their wonderful temperaments.
I know lots of people have said their lives have been changed by having an assistance dog but for us our Daisy is a much better therapy cat.
I don't think I'll survive this summer break!
So we're 2 weeks into the summer holiday and I've been in total stress mode for the best part of it. I hear there are people that actually enjoy the summer break and relish in the time spent with their offspring but I'm definitely not one of them.
We currently have 5, 7 week old kittens and these present extra stress for me as they'll be here until mid September. On Sunday Lucas tried to kill one of them, really? you ask. I was in the garden with my husband and Freya and he'd come in the house, I assumed for the loo but after about 5 minutes I wondered why he hadn't come back. You have to watch Lucas 24/7 there are very few times that he is actually doing something normal like watching tv or playing appropriately with his toys, usually he's just stealing food or breaking something or drawing on my walls or furniture or smearing something somewhere etc, he has been overly "loving" the kittens since they were born and has trapped them, held them down, pulled them by their tails etc in an effort to just be with them. Anyway I wasn't expecting to come in the house to find one lying not breathing in the middle of the lounge floor with a string pulled tight around it's neck. Lucas jumped when he heard me coming and moved away from it, I was in total shock and panic and couldn't think what to do, I screamed for my husband while holding it. After a minute or maybe a few seconds I don't know I suddenly realised I needed to get the string off, it was totally limp so I thought it was dead but as I tried to pull it off it gave a tiny wiggle. I couldn't get it off and ran to get scissors and typically couldn't find any, my husband had appeared by now and tried to cut it off with a knife which didn't work as it was quite thick but by now I'd found the scissors and he cut it free. It immediately perked up but I was hysterical by this point. All I could think was my son is a murderer, I remember reading somewhere that serial killers start by abusing animals at a young age and here he was strangling a kitten that he claimed to love.
My husband thinks I'm insane, he thought maybe he was just trying to take it for a walk or something and hadn't meant to hurt it, he also claims he killed his first fish by keep taking it out of the water to look at it?!
I know children with autism struggle with empathy but I just don't believe that he didn't understand what he was doing, he's 4 and a half now he's not a baby and he knows right from wrong, if it was an accident why did he jump when I came in?
We had his appointment with the child development centre this week and the paediatrician confirmed my fears that this was not normal and needed further involvement from a psychiatrist, as he put it, not having empathy doesn't mean you go out of your way to hurt something.
Following on from that is both Freya and Lucas's obsession with trying to hold each others heads under the water every time they get in the paddling pool?! Again I feel they're both old enough to understand how dangerous this is and have had it explained to them a hundred times but still think it's a really good idea!
We've tried to get them out of the house as often as we can afford/handle but there has to be some time when we're just at home and this is when they're at their craziest. They were upstairs the other day and there was suddenly an almighty crash down the stairs, it sounded like a wall falling down but turned out to be lucas had decided to push a heavy wooden stool to the top of the stairs and let go?! Needless to say that was the end of the stool which broke into 3 pieces and made some lovely marks in my wall on the way down.
Even when we take them out it's like there's a timer on their good behaviour and usually by the time we get back in the car after a nice trip out they are back to behaving like 2 starved lions fighting over a piece of meat! I have never met kids that fight as much as mine do :(
I have 4 and a half more weeks of holiday to get through and every day seems like a mini victory but you know it all starts again tomorrow :/
We currently have 5, 7 week old kittens and these present extra stress for me as they'll be here until mid September. On Sunday Lucas tried to kill one of them, really? you ask. I was in the garden with my husband and Freya and he'd come in the house, I assumed for the loo but after about 5 minutes I wondered why he hadn't come back. You have to watch Lucas 24/7 there are very few times that he is actually doing something normal like watching tv or playing appropriately with his toys, usually he's just stealing food or breaking something or drawing on my walls or furniture or smearing something somewhere etc, he has been overly "loving" the kittens since they were born and has trapped them, held them down, pulled them by their tails etc in an effort to just be with them. Anyway I wasn't expecting to come in the house to find one lying not breathing in the middle of the lounge floor with a string pulled tight around it's neck. Lucas jumped when he heard me coming and moved away from it, I was in total shock and panic and couldn't think what to do, I screamed for my husband while holding it. After a minute or maybe a few seconds I don't know I suddenly realised I needed to get the string off, it was totally limp so I thought it was dead but as I tried to pull it off it gave a tiny wiggle. I couldn't get it off and ran to get scissors and typically couldn't find any, my husband had appeared by now and tried to cut it off with a knife which didn't work as it was quite thick but by now I'd found the scissors and he cut it free. It immediately perked up but I was hysterical by this point. All I could think was my son is a murderer, I remember reading somewhere that serial killers start by abusing animals at a young age and here he was strangling a kitten that he claimed to love.
My husband thinks I'm insane, he thought maybe he was just trying to take it for a walk or something and hadn't meant to hurt it, he also claims he killed his first fish by keep taking it out of the water to look at it?!
I know children with autism struggle with empathy but I just don't believe that he didn't understand what he was doing, he's 4 and a half now he's not a baby and he knows right from wrong, if it was an accident why did he jump when I came in?
We had his appointment with the child development centre this week and the paediatrician confirmed my fears that this was not normal and needed further involvement from a psychiatrist, as he put it, not having empathy doesn't mean you go out of your way to hurt something.
Following on from that is both Freya and Lucas's obsession with trying to hold each others heads under the water every time they get in the paddling pool?! Again I feel they're both old enough to understand how dangerous this is and have had it explained to them a hundred times but still think it's a really good idea!
We've tried to get them out of the house as often as we can afford/handle but there has to be some time when we're just at home and this is when they're at their craziest. They were upstairs the other day and there was suddenly an almighty crash down the stairs, it sounded like a wall falling down but turned out to be lucas had decided to push a heavy wooden stool to the top of the stairs and let go?! Needless to say that was the end of the stool which broke into 3 pieces and made some lovely marks in my wall on the way down.
Even when we take them out it's like there's a timer on their good behaviour and usually by the time we get back in the car after a nice trip out they are back to behaving like 2 starved lions fighting over a piece of meat! I have never met kids that fight as much as mine do :(
I have 4 and a half more weeks of holiday to get through and every day seems like a mini victory but you know it all starts again tomorrow :/
Thursday, 1 December 2016
Pick n Melt review
I'd never heard of Pick n Melt but when it popped up on twitter looking for reviews I had to reply.
I only discovered wax melts a few years ago, I had always used oil in my burner and wasn't sure how these would work. Oil is easy to change and I couldn't understand how you could use wax without a wick.
It turns out these are much better than using oil because they don't lose their smell as quickly, in fact I've never used a wax melt long enough to know if it loses it's smell because I like to change them every few days but with oil you're constantly topping it up and running out of water meaning the bowl is burning itself dry, I've lost a few burners that way!
So, I was expecting a few wax melts to arrive to try in my own burner, imagine my joy when a whole Christmas gift set arrived complete with burner and 16 lots of wax melts in 8 festive fragrances!
I couldn't wait to put it on, the only delay was trying to pick which melts to use first!
For those who haven't come across wax melts, here's how they work. You empty the wax cubes in to the top of the burner and put a tea light candle underneath and light candle. The heat from the candle warms the top bowl and melts the wax releasing the gorgeous aromas.
I'm a little sad and really like to watch the wax melt, the pick n melt cubes are especially fun as they come in different colours and you can see them mixing to create a lovely coloured liquid.
When I first saw them I thought, wow these are tiny, they won't last very long. I was wrong. The melts come in packs of 6 tiny cubes 1cm square, and they recommend you use between 6 and 12 each time you use the burner. I used the 2 packs of the same fragrance so 12 cubes and this made a nice amount of liquid in the bowl.
I have had these on all day some days and my candle burns out in the end but the amount of wax liquid looks exactly the same. In short, you'll run out of tea lights far quicker than you will wax melts.
I get my tea lights from ikea, they're about £3 for 100.
So, what do you do when you want to change the smell? I've tried getting the wax out when it's cold but you end up scratching the bowl, pick n melt recommend you heat it slightly then take it out carefully. I have found the best way for me is to carefully pour the melted wax into something that won't melt then use a kitchen wet wipe to wipe the bowl while it's still warm which leaves it totally clean to put your next lot of melts in. Meanwhile, the wax I've taken out hardens so I can store it and use it again. It seems an awful waste to just throw it away. A little silicone pot would be perfect for this.
For safety's sake I recommend you follow the instructions given by pick n melt when changing your wax.
These Christmas sets really are fantastic value for money and there's even a discount if you buy 3, I can't think of any lady who wouldn't be thrilled to receive this. The design is modern and fun and it goes very well with my home décor as you can see.
What when the wax melts run out or you fancy a less festive fragrance? Pick n melt have over 250 scents to choose from and you can even sign up to their pick n melt party and for £8 a month you get 18 small bags of melts, 3 bags of 6 different fragrances which you choose yourself online and 2 extra bags chosen by pick n melt, worth £15.95, or you can just buy them for 60p a bag.
If you prefer a more traditional wax, they also sell candles but I really love my wax burner and melts because I can choose a new smell whenever I want, I can leave it on for hours without having to worry it will burn dry and I love the warm glow from the tea light under the bowl.
If you haven't tried them before give them a go, I don't think you'll be disappointed :)
www.picknmelt.com
Disclaimer: I received the Christmas gift set in return for an honest review, all opinions are my own.
I only discovered wax melts a few years ago, I had always used oil in my burner and wasn't sure how these would work. Oil is easy to change and I couldn't understand how you could use wax without a wick.
It turns out these are much better than using oil because they don't lose their smell as quickly, in fact I've never used a wax melt long enough to know if it loses it's smell because I like to change them every few days but with oil you're constantly topping it up and running out of water meaning the bowl is burning itself dry, I've lost a few burners that way!
So, I was expecting a few wax melts to arrive to try in my own burner, imagine my joy when a whole Christmas gift set arrived complete with burner and 16 lots of wax melts in 8 festive fragrances!
I couldn't wait to put it on, the only delay was trying to pick which melts to use first!
For those who haven't come across wax melts, here's how they work. You empty the wax cubes in to the top of the burner and put a tea light candle underneath and light candle. The heat from the candle warms the top bowl and melts the wax releasing the gorgeous aromas.
I'm a little sad and really like to watch the wax melt, the pick n melt cubes are especially fun as they come in different colours and you can see them mixing to create a lovely coloured liquid.
When I first saw them I thought, wow these are tiny, they won't last very long. I was wrong. The melts come in packs of 6 tiny cubes 1cm square, and they recommend you use between 6 and 12 each time you use the burner. I used the 2 packs of the same fragrance so 12 cubes and this made a nice amount of liquid in the bowl.
I have had these on all day some days and my candle burns out in the end but the amount of wax liquid looks exactly the same. In short, you'll run out of tea lights far quicker than you will wax melts.
I get my tea lights from ikea, they're about £3 for 100.
So, what do you do when you want to change the smell? I've tried getting the wax out when it's cold but you end up scratching the bowl, pick n melt recommend you heat it slightly then take it out carefully. I have found the best way for me is to carefully pour the melted wax into something that won't melt then use a kitchen wet wipe to wipe the bowl while it's still warm which leaves it totally clean to put your next lot of melts in. Meanwhile, the wax I've taken out hardens so I can store it and use it again. It seems an awful waste to just throw it away. A little silicone pot would be perfect for this.
For safety's sake I recommend you follow the instructions given by pick n melt when changing your wax.
These Christmas sets really are fantastic value for money and there's even a discount if you buy 3, I can't think of any lady who wouldn't be thrilled to receive this. The design is modern and fun and it goes very well with my home décor as you can see.
What when the wax melts run out or you fancy a less festive fragrance? Pick n melt have over 250 scents to choose from and you can even sign up to their pick n melt party and for £8 a month you get 18 small bags of melts, 3 bags of 6 different fragrances which you choose yourself online and 2 extra bags chosen by pick n melt, worth £15.95, or you can just buy them for 60p a bag.
If you prefer a more traditional wax, they also sell candles but I really love my wax burner and melts because I can choose a new smell whenever I want, I can leave it on for hours without having to worry it will burn dry and I love the warm glow from the tea light under the bowl.
If you haven't tried them before give them a go, I don't think you'll be disappointed :)
www.picknmelt.com
Disclaimer: I received the Christmas gift set in return for an honest review, all opinions are my own.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)